29 August 2011

Tabasco VS Soap

So I'm about to post a post that is rather "Controversial" so to speak.  Now those of you who have followed me for ev er, know I from time to time, like to take a break from the "FLUFF" on the blog sphere and talk about some other world news or topics that aren't so sunshine and rainbows...

I actually posted a quick question about this on FB, and a few responded but mainly because Child abuse and discipline are such "touchy" subjects most are afraid to voice their opinion on it.

On Thursday night, Mister Wonderful and I were watching The O'Reilly Factor

 and the topic suddenly came on about this mother who recently got indicted for the way she disciplined her son. How you ask? She was convicted for CHILD ABUSE for using Tabasco sauce on his tongue when he was "bad" and forcing him to take freezing cold showers when he was bad too. JAIL PEOPLE. She went to jail for it. Not because she beat him, not because she starved him. For her method of discipline!!!! I think she went to jail just mainly for the fact that her method of discipline was VIDEO taped and shared. I think if she was just generally speaking to a neighbor or a teacher or a doctor, I do believe in fact that they would never think of her as abusing her son, no? 

I know ppl that have put hot sauce in their kids finger nails to keep them from biting them or sucking a thumb! They aren't in jail! 

Even the awesome actress from Facts of Life 
Lisa Whelchel
who played Blair
Wrote a book and has defended the method of hot sauce as a form of discipline on her own children. She's not in jail!

Let me be real clear in stating I DO think Hot Sauce and Cold showers are EXTREME methods of discipline. The part that people are forgetting about this poor mom, that she ADOPTED this particular boy from Russia, and he already had extreme behavior problems. Please keep that in mind!!! She was reaching out to the Dr. Phil Show for HELP. I mean isn't that what he's there for? Then in turn, Viewers who are so quick to point the finger, CALLED her local police department trying to get her arrested! Not the easiest task when her HUSBAND is a Patrol Officer! 

The problem I have is the who argument that you are suppose to teach your children to "Respect" you not to "Fear" you. 

I was spanked as a "small" child. I never received a spanking past the age of 8. I was never struck, slapped or belted. Spanking never occurred in public, and I fully stand by that spanking is okay to a certain point. TO EACH THEIR OWN. I never felt differently or held resentment towards my parents for spanking me. Not even today as an adult. 

My parents COMPLETELY stuck to their guns when it came to enforcing the punishment. 

Case in point...

I was 17 once. Long ago, anyway, I was late one night for curfew after I had already been out late the night before with my then HS boyfriend. I was told if I was late again, that I would be in "trouble". So I rolled in 15 after, and my punishment? My parents took away the phone in my room. 

When did I get it back? 

N E V E R .

I FULLY BELIEVE IF YOU TAKE SOMETHING AWAY AS PUNISHMENT STICK WITH IT. DONT GIVE IT BACK AFTER A FEW DAY (now don't go as extreme as a year, but you get what I am saying) I'm saying it now, the second my teenage kid (if I someday have one) crosses the line its no CELL PHONE for like 3 months. And believe me I won't cave, and judging how I learned the hard way from my parents taking things from me, the future teen of mine is going to not make the same mistake again! 

That's how punishment rolled in my house. My folks meant business. And you know what? It taught me a lot about RESPECT and their rules. It meant don't cross them, because oh yes, they did follow up with consequences! 

I never feared my father growing up in the sense that he would ever "hit" or strike me. I feared my enforced consequence that I would receive if I broke the rules. Is this the same as what was described as fearing your parent rather than respecting???

I respected my father then, and I respect him now. I think he did it right when it came to rules. 

So I ask you, is tabasco any different than SOAP in the mouth? And lets be real here, all of us have had parents or grand parents that had this as a punishment. Did they go to jail for it? NO. Is Tabasco sauce any different than soap? In my book, no. I think Tabasco is actually better than soap. Tabasco is edible!!! Soap isn't meant to be swallowed! 

I had a few ppl write their thoughts on my FB wall. 

What do YOU think?

Reminder to commenters:
These thoughts and views are mine and mine only.
Do not attack me because you disagree. Do not attack others that also leave comments. But do be honest with how you feel! :) 



  1. i have to agree with you;
    i was spanked past the age of 8; probably till like 12? and my dad is very european and his dad raised him that way; i used to "fear" my dad, but now i love and respect him; not because he spanked me but because he stuck by his rules? i dont believe the methods were used in the appropriate manner, but i also never got spanked in public. i have no resentment toward my dad; and i agree with you that i will have different ways to go about it; but i dont think spanking is bad. and the hot sauce isnt bad either; would i do it? no; but jail worthy? no! i had soap in the mouth, i lived. i really liked that you posted something controversial; thanks cassie

  2. Ohhhhhh girl, I had to read because you said it was controversial. Not that I don't always read your bloggy anyway. But I was spanked and if I sass my mother today, and I'm 28, I'd still get my mouth smacked, not hard but as a "you better stop young lady". I never had soap in the mouth but I was most definitely punished. And disciplined. Great post!


  3. Cassie - what a GREAT post. I couldn't agree with you more. I was spanked when I was a child when I acted out. I also had my mouth washed out with soap when I was a child when I was disrespectful to my parents and screamed at them. My phone and social privileges were taken away when I lied about my whereabouts and came home late for curfew in high school. I NEVER feared either of my parents, I, like you, feared the consequence of my breaking the rules. And I completely stand by their method of discipline. I sure as hell plan to do the same with my kiddos!

    I think the hot sauce was a little much since it's not exactly teaching your child anything...but jailworthy? Come on, that is a bit absurd! To each their own, obviously, but parents need to teach their children to respect them...not terrify them.

  4. I was spanked and I got hot sauce on my nails every night so I wouldn't bite them! And I came out alright! :)

  5. i was not only spanked, but was also punished by things being taken away from me (phone, a night out with friends, being grounded). i love and adore my parents and never felt fearful of them. they taught mutual respect and to this day i still have that same respect for them. i'm so very glad you posted this!

  6. I agree with you as well. I too was spanked as a child BUT was never hit or abused. My folks took certain items away and just like you, I never got them back. I do not think spanking is bad and neither is the hot sauce. If it did not physically harm the child I see no harm in the situation. When I was growing up and older lady in my town was watching a little boy one day and he said a bad word so what did she do? She poured lotion (yes lotion) into his mouth and it suffocated him and he died. She went to jail. This woman, in my eyes, did nothing wrong and shame on everyone else for butting into her life! They are by no means perfect.

    Thanks for posting this!

  7. A big thing in my family is cayenne pepper on you tongue when you're disrespectful of rude. We always got bread or milk afterward. Its not like they're being fed poison. I totally disagree with it being child abuse.
    And my little sister had a habbit of throwing horrible fits when she was like 4-7. Nothing would get her out of it and she would scream for hours. The only thing that would get her out of them was my mom sticking her in a cold shower. And then she would get out get dry and be totally calm so again, totally disagree with it being abuse

  8. I've never commented on a 'controversial' post, but I disagree about this. I think there's a line when it comes to punishment with kids and this lady crossed it. I was spanked as a kid and don't see anything wrong with that. But I saw this on Dr. Phil and it made me sick to my stomach to hear this kid screaming. It's too much.

  9. Wow, good job on bringing this up! I was spanked twice as a child and I learned. Once with a hand and once with a belt. My sister never learned. I remember my dad having to learn to spank with his other hand so he wouldn't hit as hard. It wasn't the fear of the spanking for me it was the fear of disappointing my parents. I'm not saying I didn't disappoint them later in my teen years but I would get things taken away from me. I can remember when I was in college my sister got in trouble. My dad took the wheels off her car and parked it on blocks in the front yard. I think that was the last time she acted out. lol! I have swatted my sons butt thru his diaper but if I'm mad and he knows it he just walks to his bed and sits in it and says "tell me when to get up" in a sad voice. Thank God he's learned the look already:) I say no to soap and tabasco! Gross! Sorry, that was a long one, whew!

  10. I'm glad you wrote this post. My husband and I were actually talking about disciplining children last night and how people take things too far now with calling spanking abuse when it is a method in disciplining your child. Granted, there are unfortunate circumstances where people take it too far, but a parent should not be lax in disciplining their children because they fear losing their children because they spank them, or put hot sauce (or soap) on their tongue. If the child is in real harm, then yes, punish the parents, but just because someone does not agree with a particular form of punishment a parent uses on their child does not mean it is wrong or harmful to the child. I know it is a touchy subject, but sometimes kids need a spanking to get through to them, where other kids could go a lifetime without one spanking and turn out just fine. I feel it's the lack of discipline that is hurting kids more these days. They don't know how to respect authority and it causes major issues down the road.

  11. Great post! Spanking is not abusive. God gave little kids padding on the behinds for a reason! I am a parent who disciplines with timeouts, and when I say one I mean business. They come running. But sometimes there are things that kids do that are to severe for just a time out or a you can't do that. They need to learn. I think the hot sauce was a little extreme, but its not hurting them. I know friends who have tried this method with their kids. It's hard to judge when you are not in her situation. She could have done something a lot worse. She needed help. She was asking for help. Is jail giving it to her? I say NO.

  12. Lord have mercy, I have to keep up with your facebook page more often because being a long-time follower,sister-friend,blogee-peeer {I'll shutup} of yours I KNOW you like to post eye-opening topics which is just one of the things I love most about you! That said, child -- I joke with my mom weekly about how she abused us growing up :) Hence, her name - Mommy Dearest. It's been that for well, when I watched that movie in the early 90s haha. BUT. I RESPECT her for her discipling me...long story short - you being a teacher and working with small children every single day, you know first handly how out of control kids are now-a-days and I think it's due to the fact that mommy and daddy don't BUST their HIND ENDS. Hot sauce? I WISH I got hot SAUCE hahahahahahaha. Thee end. {I could have just put that as a reply I suppose} hehe xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo sister. I think this is a great topic!! Love it.

  13. bravo for your bold post today! I too agree that spanking is ok, not beating the hell out of your child. I also think that if you can discipline your child effectively without spanking, more power to you. every child is different and needs didn't discipline to teach them. I also agree with you that carrying out the punishment is the most important part of being a parent, and perhaps one of the hardest. if a child knows they will be punished an no ifs, ands, or buts about it and they know that their parents isn't going to back down after a few hours/days then they will most likely obey. I think it's important to have a little fear of your parents as well, not crazy fear, but like what you said. one time in a college psych class, i was the ONLY one who thought that spanking, when appropriate, is ok. it got heated and no one ever looked at me the same after that day, but I still believe that it's an acceptable form of punishment.

  14. I was shocked by how many people thought this lady should be in jail, I said the exact same thing as you at least it's edible, soap isn't and "we" used to wash kids mouth's out with it all the time.

    I think spanking is such an individual choice, and differs for each child, I wasn't spanked (a stern look got the point across for me) but my sister and brother were. As long as a child isn't being harmed then I don't think it's anyone (including the courts) place to judge a parents form of discipline.

  15. I have to say in my opinion it is a form of child abuse. Tabasco sauce and cold showers and jumping jacks to the point of exhaustion? Seriously. If that was were I lived, CPS would probably start an investigation. I work in the social work field, and she is lucky her child isn't removed from the home (in my opinion). I agree with the person who wrote on your facebook wall, "From a child development aspect, discipline...." I'm in the counseling field, so I can see how it can be detrimental later in life. I'm still suffering the effects from emotional abuse. Spanking is okay, time out is okay, and taking away privileges is okay. All this extreme stuff is not appropriate. All this is my opinion though.

  16. I was spanked when I was little but when I hit the age of 8 it stopped. My brothers, however, still got it when they needed it. My dad also was a bit of a mental terrorist when it came to creative punishments. For example, when my brothers and I were trouble, we were sent to our rooms. I was in my room and my brothers shared a room. They took turns splitting up; one would be in their room while the other was in my parents' room. My dad would then stand at the top of the steps and think "out loud" of which one was getting spanked first. To this day I remember the lead up rather than the actual spank. And I tell you what, I never made the same mistake twice.

  17. i was spanked as a child, and I got things taken from me and never got them back. To me this is the way to lay down the lay. I DO believe it teaches children to respect the ones they are supposed to and when you are under your parents roof, you obey them. Every household is different, just like every parenting skill is different. To each their own in this world. :)

  18. well said. i do believe i was spanked as a child, however, i do not remember that. i fully believe it is a parents choice on how they want to discipline their OWN child. who are we to judge? the hot sauce sounds similar to having soap in your mouth, i remember soap in my mouth. am i scarred? nope. i respect and appreciate EVERYTHING my parents have done for me.

  19. I do not believe what she did should have sent her to jail. She was reaching out for help...and the way the world helped her was to take her out of her home and bring more stress to the family and children??? Hmmm...odd way of helping a woman out when she's down and desperate and the child lacking in correct discipline. Where is the line drawn on discipline??? Can someone be sent to jail for yelling at their children...wouldn't that be considered a form of abuse? I love how people talk about peace and love...and then the world doesn't hesitate to "take her out". How is this helping ANY part of the situation?

  20. While I personally wouldn't use this as a form of discipline, I certainly do not think it's abuse. And certainly no one should be going to jail for it. Everyone has different methods of discipline and as long as you're teaching your child a lesson and not hurting him physically or emotionally, it should be up to each parent to decide what is abuse. It amazes me that people look down on spanking so much but no one ever seems to look at the emotional abuse so many parents use when screaming insults as their children.

  21. Yes...very controversial topic.

    I was spanked as a child. My parents brought me up in a loving home and taught me right from wrong.

    But when I was wrong, I was spanked.

    I'm not really sure what method of discipline I will utilize when I am a mother myself, but let me tell you.....

    I see a HUGE difference in children today that are NOT spanked and children that are.

    I think that it is up to each individual person what method of discipline they see fit for their child.

    I do not disagree with spanking. Honestly, I think I turned out better because I was spanked.

    I do not think that Tabasco is any different than soap in the mouth. In fact, where I am from, mothers/fathers put VINEGAR in children's mouths. How is that different? Vinegar and Tobasco are both edible.

    Taboo topic and you posted about it perfectly!

  22. I do believe that discipline is key. While tabasco and cold showers are extremem, i do not think they constitute child abuse.

  23. I definitely agree that if a child isn't being HARMED, than it is up to the discretion of the parents to decide how to discipline their children. Not all kids respond to things the same way. I agree that it is a respect thing. I have always respected my parents and did what I was told because I didn't want to disappoint them. On the rare occassion that I was spanked, it never HURT me, it was more of a shock factor and reminder that I wasn't in charge. The world we live in now I think just makes people more sensitive because of the awful things you hear about where a child is closed in a dog crate in the backyard as punishment or left in a bathtub full of ice water for 5 hours as punishment.

  24. ok ok ok, so where do I start.

    I saw this on Dr Phil (never miss an episode!) and I was HORRIFIED with what I saw. Seriously, I could have cried for the poor child. There are lines that can be crossed, and I believe she totally crossed a line. And I am old school and so is my hubs, and I was spanked ALL THE TIME as a child and I spank my own kids when need be. I just couldn't do something like that to them and see them suffer and cry for me, oh it would just kill me. Gunner gets time out OFTEN and every time, I sit and talk to him and make him look me in the eyes when I speak to him and make him tell me what he did wrong and why he is here and then he has to go apologize to his brother.

    I did love the post however, but omg, that I totally agree that lady should be in jail. On the other hand, I can't STAND when parents don't discipline their children properly. It is the parents JOB to MAKE SURE their child is respectful of authority and obeys their parents, etc. However I think most parents are way too lazy to put in the effort but on the other extreme, we have "moms" who put tabasco in their kids' mouth and trap them in cold showers.

    ugh. hated her.

    but love you!! :)

  25. I am a new follower and just had to comment on this post. I heard about this story but didn't see it myself so I don't know ALL of the situation. I am okay with the Tabasco sauce because I got soap once when I was a kid. However, the cold shower seemed extreme to me. Personally that seems as though you are messing with the childs well being.

    But I 100% agree children today are NOT DISCIPLINED nearly enough because parents want to be 'friends' not parents. I was spanked, had time outs and had things taken away from me as a child. Because of that I KNEW every action had a consequence and I keep that with me every day. Spanking is a personal decision, which I understand, but there must be some form of discipline. My sister is a teacher and has so many bad kids in her class that have no idea what RESPECT IS! And that's the parent's fault.

    Wow, longwinded much! Great post, loved reading the comments!

  26. Gotta reply again - I've read all of the comments and to those who think this lady SHOULD have gone to jail, I am confused. You seemed to believe spanking was OK but the hot sauce was child abuse and jailworthy. I guess I don't see much of a difference between the two...both cause a child to suffer, and I don't know a child that doesn't cry when being spanked!

  27. I love you for your controversial topics! EVERYONE is entitled to their own opinion and to voice it! looks like I missed a lot while I was gone! :) need to catch up on your life. missed ya!!!


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