Best. Gift. Ever.

I've had to wait a long two months to share this news.....but the greatest christmas blessing that my husband and I could ever receive is the news that we are expecting baby "M" due June 23rd this summer! 

When this journey began 4 years ago, I had no idea it would take this long and be this hard to go through everything I have put my body though to make this baby happen for my husband and I. But through all the shots, pills, blood draws, endless doctor appointments, I can finally feel relief and say it was worth it! 

The waiting game

I know I haven't blogged in forever...with so many bloggers out there taking over, life getting in the way, etc etc sometimes it's just hard to sit down and write posts. I'm not a writer. As much as I loved English in school, I was never given the gift of writing eloquently. I am one of those who often writes as I speak.....way to many run on sentences without knowing where to properly end a sentence and start another one. Anyhow, now that I've talked about what I'm not good at, I thought I'd just write from the heart about current life situations.

As many of you know, my husband and I have struggled the past 4 years to get pregnant on our own. We've have had 2 fertility doctors, 4 failed IUIs (maybe more I've lost count to be honest) and a few days ago we completed our first and only IVF embryo transfer. 

I. am. scared. 

This is going to be the longest fall break (week off of work of my life) I actually wish I wasn't on break so I'd have work as a distraction! When my eggs were harvested a few months ago, we had been hoping a lot of eggs to freeze. Thanks to my body, I just did not respond well to the meds and only produced 6 eggs. 4 actually were mature enough, and out of the 4 only 2 got fertilized and survived. So we froze our two little embryos and prayed and prayed. 

Finally the day came (a whole cycle later since your body has to flush everything out and you have to come off of medications and hormones) and then more bad news. My lining wasn't thick enough. It had a weird texture and was shaped weird. My doctor just said no it's not good. Cue the tears. We had to push the transfer back ANOTHER few weeks. I patiently waited for my period to show up to start all over. 

Well thankfully this second time around my lining was cooperating and we were given the green light to have the transfer. It's been 3 days post transfer and I feel like a sitting duck. What if what if what if is all that is going through my mind. If this doesn't work, all that money GONE down the drain, the stress, the weight gain will have been for NOTHING. This doesn't exactly make one feel so happy. 

Everyone is pregnant around me. And I mean everyone. Some are pregnant with baby #2 some with their first and I am OLDER than most of them! Again, doesn't make me feel good at all. So many unanswered questions you just want to take a jet plane up to heaven and ask God for a one on one and ask WHY GOD WHY? What did I do or didn't do to deserve this heartache? 

Personally, I do feel I have been through enough in my life. Losing a parent at 13 was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. The years I felt angry and lost detached from God to finally in the last 5-6 years just returning to church regularly and starting to refind my faith in God and religion. I spent a lot of years angry at family, my dad for remarrying finding love with someone other than my mom, anger at God for taking her away. Years of stumbling financially on my own. Not asking for help is a really hard thing to do. I am so grateful I haven't been alone in this infertility journey. My husband has been my rock, my protector, my confidant, my best friend, my everything. As heartbreaking as it may turn out, I at least know that we have been strong enough to withstand the storm thus far, that we can weather the storm even if it means no children for us. 

And so now, I wait, till the dreaded day comes where I get to go in for a blood draw to find my fate. (sorry to sound so morbid) but I am just so used to fearing for the worst since we've had SO MANY BUMPS along the way. 

For Karate Kid Fans

Long time readers of my blog know or are familiar with my posts about famous houses used in movies---I haven't posted any "Did you know" about movie houses in along time, but rather Quote and copy and paste another article I found, I am going to link an awesome post for anyone who loves the 80s like do regarding the Karate Kid! 

http://mentalfloss.com/article/57156/30-facts-about-karate-kid <--- and="" article="" click="" clips="" font="" for="" link="" more="" nbsp="" pictures="" the="" tube="" with="" you="">

Has a lot of facts I did not know, and really interesting tid bits about where the movie was filmed! :) 

enjoy! 

Happy 4th of July

Summer Book Review Part II

Book Review Part II

Whistling Past the Graveyard--Great read! Definitely recommend reading this one! Had historical fiction in it regarding the whole segregation with race. Let's get that I absolutely LOVE this book out of the way. Whistling Past The Graveyard is a heartwarming, endearing coming of age story about a fiesty 9 year old girl who decides it's high time she flew the coop in an effort not to be sent to boarding school. It's the summer of 1963 in Cayuga Springs, the Fourth of July, and a pocket full of penny candy that puts the wheels in motion for a life-changing experience for two unsuspecting lives that intersect on an abandoned road. 

Necessary Lies & The Silent Sister. I like Diane Chamberlain's books, but Necessary Lies was the better of the two books for me. Set in 1960's rural North Carolina, a shocking, but enlightening story surrounding the Eugenic's Sterilization Program, their unethical practices and the abuse of State authority. I was totally unfamiliar with the program thus surprised and disgusted with the procedures yet was totally enthralled by the author's presentation and well-developed characters. Jane Forrester has recently just married her husband Robert, who is a pediatrician. Jane is desperate to have a career before starting a family of her own. Her husband doesn't approve of her working and doesn't understand why she feels the need to work.

Me Before You and After You by Jo Jo Moyes. You have to read both. Of course I am partial to say the first book is always the better book, but it's nice to know where Louisa Clark ends up after book one! Lou Clark knows lots of things. She knows how many footsteps there are between the bus stop and home. She knows she likes working in The Buttered Bun tea shop and she knows she might not love her boyfriend Patrick.

What Lou doesn't know is she's about to lose her job or that knowing what's coming is what keeps her sane.

Will Traynor knows his motorcycle accident took away his desire to live. He knows everything feels very small and rather joyless now and he knows exactly how he's going to put a stop to that.

What Will doesn't know is that Lou is about to burst into his world in a riot of colour. And neither of them knows they're going to change the other for all time.

It's hard not to write to much on these you have to read them for yourself otherwise I'll give everything away! Both are worth the read! 

Try Not to Breathe- Amy Stevenson was the biggest news story of 1995. Only fifteen years old, Amy disappeared walking home from school one day and was found in a coma three days later. Her attacker was never identified and her angelic face was plastered across every paper and nightly news segment.

Fifteen years later, Amy lies in the hospital, surrounded by 90’s Britpop posters, forgotten by the world until reporter Alex Dale stumbles across her while researching a routine story on vegetative patients.

Remembering Amy’s story like it was yesterday, she feels compelled to solve the long-cold case.

The only problem is, Alex is just as lost as Amy—her alcoholism has cost her everything including her marriage and her professional reputation.

In the hopes that finding Amy’s attacker will be her own salvation as well, Alex embarks on a dangerous investigation, suspecting someone close to Amy.

This one was frustrating esp the lead character having to deal with turning to alcohol all the time. Interesting story line was a decent read!

Everything Everything-- Good read! Interesting plot! Like Bubble boy (but a girl) not being ever allowed out of the walls of her home.  Snippet or excerpt from book: "My disease is as rare as it is famous. Basically, I’m allergic to the world. I don’t leave my house, have not left my house in seventeen years. The only people I ever see are my mom and my nurse, Carla.

But then one day, a moving truck arrives next door. I look out my window, and I see him. He’s tall, lean and wearing all black—black T-shirt, black jeans, black sneakers, and a black knit cap that covers his hair completely. He catches me looking and stares at me. I stare right back. His name is Olly."

Pretty Girls--More than twenty years ago, Claire and Lydia's teenaged sister Julia vanished without a trace. The two women have not spoken since, and now their lives could not be more different. Claire is the glamorous trophy wife of an Atlanta millionaire. Lydia, a single mother, dates an ex-con and struggles to make ends meet. But neither has recovered from the horror and heartbreak of their shared loss—a devastating wound that's cruelly ripped open when Claire's husband is killed.

The disappearance of a teenage girl and the murder of a middle-aged man, almost a quarter-century apart: what could connect them? Forming a wary truce, the surviving sisters look to the past to find the truth, unearthing the secrets that destroyed their family all those years ago . . . and uncovering the possibility of redemption, and revenge, where they least expect it.

Swerve--UGH I had such high hopes for this book as it sounded a lot or similar to the movie "Breakdown" starring Kurt Russell from the 90s I believe where he and his wife are driving and their car breaks and down and she catches a ride from a truck driver to the nearest gas station to all for help only when a tow truck doesn't come and the husband walks back to the station to find out that his wife had never made it to the station....(That was all about the movie not the book) Maybe I was to hung up on the movie to give the book a chance lol I didn't find the book suspenseful at all, but rather predictable. It's sad when you can figure out the ending within the first few minutes of the book. 

Summer Book Reviews Part I

I've been on a summer reading crusade! It's been fun to have time and actually dive into books these past few months! I wish I could say all of them were run out and pick them up books, but only a few have been great reads!

1. Orphan Train -- GREAT READ I would definitely recommend reading this one!   A captivating story of two very different women who build an unexpected friendship: a 91-year-old woman with a hidden past as an orphan-train rider and the teenage girl whose own troubled adolescence leads her to seek answers to questions no one has ever thought to ask.

2. What She Knew-- Rachel Jenner is walking in a Bristol park with her eight-year-old son, Ben, when he asks if he can run ahead. It’s an ordinary request on an ordinary Sunday afternoon, and Rachel has no reason to worry—until Ben vanishes.  This was a decent read I rated it around 4 out of 5 stars. 

3. Maybe in Another Life-- It's a skip it or read it type book it didn't wow me in anyway. At the age of twenty-nine, Hannah Martin still has no idea what she wants to do with her life. She has lived in six different cities and held countless meaningless jobs since graduating college. On the heels of leaving yet another city, Hannah moves back to her hometown of Los Angeles and takes up residence in her best friend Gabby’s guestroom. Shortly after getting back to town, Hannah goes out to a bar one night with Gabby and meets up with her high school boyfriend, Ethan.

Just after midnight, Gabby asks Hannah if she’s ready to go. A moment later, Ethan offers to give her a ride later if she wants to stay. Hannah hesitates. What happens if she leaves with Gabby? What happens if she leaves with Ethan?

In concurrent storylines, Hannah lives out the effects of each decision. Quickly, these parallel universes develop into radically different stories with large-scale consequences for Hannah.

4.Beautiful Ruins--- skip it. It was Slow and I found myself bored. I was taken in with in hopes of reading a lot about beautiful Italy, but this book just didn't do it for me. 

5. Don't you Cry---It was okay. I have a hard time with Mary Kubica's stories they end very abruptly and often feel unfinished. I didn't like the story flashing between the character Alex and Quinn much felt myself skipping most of Alex's story since it was slow and uninteresting. 

6. Pretty Baby--This was a a better of the two books by the same author. Again the ending felt abrupt but it was a decent read. 

I'll be posting more reviews tomorrow so stay tuned! Again all my other other comments on books are usually on my reviews on Goodreads! Feel free to look me up on there! 

Me Before You

So I read Me Before You by Jo Jo Moyes a few months ago and read After You a few weeks ago. The movie finally was released this weekend, and I was able to talk my husband into seeing it with me. 

The movie was so spot on to the book and I NEVER say that about books that get made into movies! 

I also had no idea the lead character Emilia Clarke was the same person who is in Game of Thrones aka Kaleesi? Not even sure if I spelled that right. 

I highly recommend to read the book first before you see the film. This isn't a "Love" story like a Nicholas Sparks book either. That much I can tell you without giving it all away. 

From Tilikum the killer whale, to Cecil the Lion, to the Yellowstone bison calf

This post isn't going to be pretty. This post is probably going to anger a lot of people with raging opinions all of which will disagree with my own.
Today Harambe the Gorilla was killed at the Cinci Zoo in Ohio because a child disappeared from his mother's eye sight for a few seconds and managed to climb  over a barrier which consisted of rails and wire before falling into the Gorilla's habitat. 

Every species in the world is going to protect their young. It's one of the laws of nature. Whether it's humans or animals. The problem is that the gorillas shouldn't have been there in the first place. We take pleasure in entertainment from confining these wild beautiful creatures to an environment that is best for viewing and making money. If we can stop being such a selfish race thinking that everything on this planet belongs to us then situations like this wouldn't happen. I'm a huge animal rights person, so unfortunately to some of you I am going to let you down and say there is someone to blame for this. We cannot blame a zoo for poor parenting. There are going to be no animals left in this world if we continue to wipe them out since we seem to think the human race must always come first. 

You always have to get down to the root cause of accidents. People keep asking "Why" until they get to a cingular point that is the single "thing" that caused the accident. In this case, it boils down to the parents failing to keep proper control of a small child. Period. Everything else is contributing factors. The parents should be held financially and legally responsible for the actions of their child...even though this isn't "fashionable" today. Sad to say it's very typical millennial parenting for a large percentage of parents (not all) example "let the child discover" "blame someone WHEN it all goes wrong" "sue everyone you see!" There are inescapable life lessons here. First and foremost, CONTROL YOUR small children because they are the children, and the parents are the adults. Second, don't mess with a wild animal! Third, the zoo and city should immediately take legal action against the parents for the loss of the valuable animal. Don't get me wrong, I am glad the child is okay, but that DOESN'T negate accountability for his protection and the parents are singularly responsible and accountable for this. 

I've heard, sue the zoo for the poor enclosure. Wrong again. There was never a problem or incident with this part of the zoo until today. 

I've read "Make the parents have to buy another gorilla to replace him." Comments like this really don't come any more uneducated or daft to the actual problem now do they? Really???? BUY ANOTHER GORILLA?!?! Are they insane!?? These are clearly the families that take their kids to seaworld because they have to entertain their children by watching beautiful majestic sea creatures swim in a trapped confined tank. 

When do parents actually take the blame or have to take the blame for not being good parents? This is what is wrong in our world today. We can never admit we screwed up. Well this screw ended up costing an endangered species his life, and that screw up is no lose your child at the supermarket "oops". I get it kids disappear in the blink of an eye. I've had it happen as a babysitter and even when I was watching my own brother. But this was a ZOO folks, filled with WILD animals. It's the one place parents are expected to be parents and actually watch their kids. It's not the zoo's job to provide day care!

This is just another case of a killing of an innocent captive animal. Humanity is severely lacking in our approach to animals and how we exist with them. This type of outcry that "the parents didn't do anything wrong and deserve no punishment" is like saying that a kid who runs out between cars and gets hit by a car, it's the drivers fault automatically not the parents. (SO wrong but happens all the time never the parents fault) 

We live in a society where "Parents" are to preoccupied to be parents. They live their kids in cars all day and roast them alive, they leave them unattended, and then cry why why!?

I'm tired of passing the blame for ineptitude. The parents are at fault. I am happy the child wasn't harmed, but do feel the zoo should sue the parents for having to kill an endangered species. Agree to disagree. 

Starbucks and Target politically correct or incorrect?

It's been a long long long time since I've wrote about anything controversial. Let's face it, anything other than fashion or children or recipes in blog world is frowned upon, as most don't want to see or hear or read about anything negative or actual legit topics happening in the world right now.

Case in point, back in December Starbucks faced some major backlash over their coffee cups just being "red".  I mean I kept hearing they've put christmas symbols on their cups since 1997. But really since when are snowflakes and ice skates symbols of Christmas? They signify WINTER! A season! that's about it! 

Now there's the whole Target and transgender bathroom scandal. UGH. Feelings are strong on both sides of the issue. Supporters of the new laws are reminded occasions where grown transgendered men with genitalia have attempted to use public bathrooms with little girls and women. Those fears are based on instances where men have entered women's bathrooms taking video footage or pictures of women and girls, having raped or exposed themselves in the restrooms. 

I personally, know that I will no longer be using the restroom at Target anymore. That doesn't make me a racist or gender hater. It just means when I take a piss or shit, I expect only women to be in the bathroom. That is my right and since Target wants well men who think they are women or whatever you want to call it, I am choosing not to use the bathroom anymore there. I am however fearful that this could just be the start I mean what's next elementary schools having boys and girls using the same bathroom at the same time? Or airports? Come on! 

Is Target right in making this decision? Will you join the boycott because of the restroom drama? I love shopping at Target who doesn't? I can't say I would stop shopping there, but I can say I will stop using the restroom there. 

Infertility

I've struggled to find the words to write this post for months now. We've all seen it. The bombardment of social media in your face look at this read this of pictures and posts. The dark side is the side of feeling sad and depressed when viewing all the pregnancy, births, first birthday posts that we see on IG or FB of other friends and families happy announcements. While most of my friends have between 1-3 kids and more on the way, I struggle to even get pregnant once. No miscarriages no nothing. 

So what is undiagnosed infertility mean? It means that two fertility doctors can't find a rhyme or a reason as to why we can't seem to get pregnant. In every woman a healty egg is not always released, does not always pick up the egg, the sperm does not always fertilize that egg, and a healthy embryo is not always formed. Increasing the number of eggs released, through fertility drugs and the number of sperm to meet the eggs, through IUI enhances fertility in a given cycle but doesn't guarantee success.  Over the last 3 years we have done countless tests, IUIs, you name it. There's only one option left. IVF. The dreaded oh so expensive procedure that doesn't even guarantee a baby out of the whole thing. I've already gained 12 lbs in 3 years from all the fertility meds I've been on. It's been depressing. 

A few months ago my husband's sister announced she and her fiance' are expecting their first child which hit us hard seeing how my husband is the oldest child in his family he always thought he'd get to be the first to give his mom a grandbaby. 

The endless questioning of WHY NOT ME? WHY NOT US? What is God trying to say to us? My whole life, I have always been told that I would make a great mom. I've heard this more times than I can count. I've been everyone else's go to babysitter since I was 11 years old. I've always been good with kids. Even my former Principal upon my first year of teaching for him said I'm surprised you aren't a mom you'd make a great one! The kids love you! It's hard not to wonder well if I'm so great, why is this so difficult to become a parent? 

Aside from the cost of in vitro, there's the religion factor which really concerns my hubby. He's Catholic, and the catholic religion doesn't believe in IVF. So what will it mean if we go ahead and do it, regardless of it being wrong and against our religion? Has anyone else dealt with a religion barrier in all of this? 

Then there's the time factor....As in time is running out slowly. I'm 33 about to be 34 this summer. Women's eggs start to become "bad" and no good around the age of 37-38. It's been one hurdle after another. Am I only destined to be a fur momma? Maybe I am. I don't know what is God's will at the moment. 

If you've read all of this, congrats, as many have probably given up on my blog postings as have I over the months. 

2016 Golden Globes!

It's been a long time that the Golden Globes was actually a decent award show to watch! I knew most of the shows/movies that were up for awards and I felt that the people that won, were more than deserving!  

The highlight of the night was knowing/seeing Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio reunite and both win on the same night for different things. 

Kate was genuinely surprised that she won I loved that about her speech! 

My best dressed for the night goes to Amy Adams. I don't think I've ever seen her look so good and this picture doesn't even do her justice she just glowed when she was up on stage presenting! 

I thought Kate Bosworth look gorgeous and although she has been a little to skinny a few years ago, she looked like she put back on a pound or 2 which made her look healthy for once and not a complete wafer. 

I was completely shocked that Lady Gaga beat out so many other talented ladies in her Lead actress role! I am happy she sported normal and and wore a normal dress! (Maybe her meat wearing dress days are over!) Her speech was a little bizarre, hard to understand, I think she was just so in shock she won! 

She beat this beautiful lady, Kristen Dunst, who looked so amazing! 

And hello arm candy boyfriend Garrett! 

I put Harrison and Calista on here just simply because I was happy to see them out in public together and that they are still together! If only we could get Calista to get Harrison to stop wearing that earring! LOL She definitely doesn't look 51! (He's 73)

The biggest deserved win was Sylvester Stallone he gave such a great speech. Even thanking his character Rocky Balboa whom clearly he has embraced that that character is always going to be who people will always identify him as and he is clearly okay with that! 

 He thanked his children ( I felt sad that he didn't mention his son who passed away) 

I only had 3 negative things to say about the show...
the joke Ricky Gervais, the host, made about Donald Trump wanting to deport his next two presenters Eva Longoria and America Ferrera was not cool or funny at all they are US Citizens why would anyone find that joke even remotely funny?

2.  All the swearing in speeches or monologues was so much this year, that when they bleeped it out, you missed half of the other things they were saying in their speeches!

3. The Martian is NOT A COMEDY how it won for best comedy is absolutely ridiculous! Apparently there weren't enough comedies this year to put in the comedy category this year? I don't get it! 

Another new year another new season of the Bachelor

Is anyone else still watching the Bachelor season after season?! Guilty! It's my one guilty pleasure for reality TV. I DVR'd the new season episode 1 of The Bachelor and watched it on Tuesday. While I like Ben, I feel like 26 is pretty young for most men to know that they are ready to be married. 

Speaking of age, right off the bat the twin contestants are barely 21-or 22?! I was like no way a 22 year old girl is ready to get hitched!

No idea which one is which, I just know these two are more on the show for perhaps fame rather than love. 

The mean girl of the season already is this girl "Lace"

She loves one person....her self. It's all about her that much I can tell you!

Most to lose....this girl Amanda, single mother of 2 little girls.... 

Chicken girl aka Tiara. She's super cute but a little obsessive about her pet chickens! lol 

Good thing Ben is from a nice small town in Indiana where these Chickens could live!

Calia aka the girl that looks exactly like Catherine from Shawn's season! 

Lauren B aka the "first girl out the limo" giving Ben those first initial butterflies...she's tiny! 

A blast from the past showed up from Chris' season

*****SPOILER******

Miss Becca Tilley. I love her I was so torn when Chris had to pick between her and Whitney...clearly he chose the wrong girl as Whitney and her big time city gig wasn't meant for Farmer Chris. 

Amber is also back....not sure she'll go far with Ben as there are lots of other ladies Ben seems to have his eye on!

I don't have any predictions thus far, I didn't get that vibe from any of the girls right away that they were going to have major sparks with Ben (Although the Bachelor Previews say otherwise as it often shows Ben kissing many of the contestants on their bachelor dates!) 

Anyone think of a girl or two as particular front runners for Ben this season? 

If Becca doesn't make it with Ben, they better have her as the Bachelorette next season!!