I've struggled to find the words to write this post for months now. We've all seen it. The bombardment of social media in your face look at this read this of pictures and posts. The dark side is the side of feeling sad and depressed when viewing all the pregnancy, births, first birthday posts that we see on IG or FB of other friends and families happy announcements. While most of my friends have between 1-3 kids and more on the way, I struggle to even get pregnant once. No miscarriages no nothing.
So what is undiagnosed infertility mean? It means that two fertility doctors can't find a rhyme or a reason as to why we can't seem to get pregnant. In every woman a healty egg is not always released, does not always pick up the egg, the sperm does not always fertilize that egg, and a healthy embryo is not always formed. Increasing the number of eggs released, through fertility drugs and the number of sperm to meet the eggs, through IUI enhances fertility in a given cycle but doesn't guarantee success. Over the last 3 years we have done countless tests, IUIs, you name it. There's only one option left. IVF. The dreaded oh so expensive procedure that doesn't even guarantee a baby out of the whole thing. I've already gained 12 lbs in 3 years from all the fertility meds I've been on. It's been depressing.
A few months ago my husband's sister announced she and her fiance' are expecting their first child which hit us hard seeing how my husband is the oldest child in his family he always thought he'd get to be the first to give his mom a grandbaby.
The endless questioning of WHY NOT ME? WHY NOT US? What is God trying to say to us? My whole life, I have always been told that I would make a great mom. I've heard this more times than I can count. I've been everyone else's go to babysitter since I was 11 years old. I've always been good with kids. Even my former Principal upon my first year of teaching for him said I'm surprised you aren't a mom you'd make a great one! The kids love you! It's hard not to wonder well if I'm so great, why is this so difficult to become a parent?
Aside from the cost of in vitro, there's the religion factor which really concerns my hubby. He's Catholic, and the catholic religion doesn't believe in IVF. So what will it mean if we go ahead and do it, regardless of it being wrong and against our religion? Has anyone else dealt with a religion barrier in all of this?
Then there's the time factor....As in time is running out slowly. I'm 33 about to be 34 this summer. Women's eggs start to become "bad" and no good around the age of 37-38. It's been one hurdle after another. Am I only destined to be a fur momma? Maybe I am. I don't know what is God's will at the moment.
If you've read all of this, congrats, as many have probably given up on my blog postings as have I over the months.
I'm sorry you are struggling with this. It is not an easy thing to process or go through. We are faced with a similar situation only we were blessed with a baby before infertility struck us. As for the IVF and religion it's something your husband and you need to pray about and really seek God on. I remember when I went through my ectopic pregnancy back in August I struggled with asking why me? Why us? And then after lots of prayer my mindset changed to what are you trying to teach us God. It's not an easy walk at all. We'll keep you in prayer. Maybe God has adoption in the plan for you?
ReplyDeleteGirlfriend, I had so many emotions reading this post. To be honest, I don't know what to say except that it's not fair. Everything that people say is true, you would make a great mom. IDK why it's not happening easier for you guys. Idk what the answer is or how you could decide what's best for you in terms of IVF and religion. It's not against my religion, but I understand those questions and doubts. How far is too far? Where is the line? I do want to say that I hope you guys find peace and happiness in whatever is best for you guys. I pray for you and the hubs that you will find your answers.
ReplyDeleteI'm still a reader and I know it's hard but I know that the good Lord has a plan for you and your husband. Pray pray pray for answers and trust me, when the timing is right, one will be given to you. As far as the religion barrier, I'd get with the catholic church and explain your situation and maybe they can give some spiritual guidance as the next steps.
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone, I know all too well the feelings you mentioned!! I am sending positive vibes your way! We just finished our first round of IVF and have had 1 miscarriage from our first embryo, its so disheartening, nothing is a guarantee!
ReplyDeleteoh friend... i am so so sorry, words escape me as i know no one can comfort during this painful time. so many of my friends have gone through similar issues and all i can tell you is that i will be praying for clarity, strength, peace, and hopefully good news coming your way soon... all i can say is you have to do what is right for YOU and i'm sending hugs your way!!
ReplyDeleteYou're always in my thoughts and prayers and def not forgotten about! You deserve a baby just like anyone else does. It's not fair. I hope you will get some clarity soon about what route to take, IVF or not. I think IVF would be a great option for you guys but I understand the religion thing as well. Will be thinking of you guys!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. We have struggled with infertility too. It's so hard when everyone around you seems to be having children. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteI'm crying reading this - please, please do not give up. It's easier said than done, I know. But there is hope, and IVF being one of them. I agree with a previous poster, check with your Priest. I too am Catholic, and know of a two different couples that are Catholic that have gone the IVF route and it was successful for both. If it's any consolation, I got pregnant late in life and had a baby boy at age 36. You're never too old these days. And there are advanced maternal age docs to help monitor you to help ensure a healthy pregnancy. God bless you, I am praying for you! I like your blog and style and am a reader...I always check once in a while, and today am glad to see you are posting. And yes I also agree, social media can be a downer at times.
ReplyDeleteHi. I don't generally comment, but I have been reading your blog for quite some time.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I am very sorry that you're going through this. My husband and I suffered with infertility for 5 years and we had success with our first child with IVF on the first try. We are in the process of trying again with our second.
In regards to the religious issues which I totally understand. I don't know exactly what the concern is, but in our case we went with a specialist who is a Christian and does not believe in destroying the embryos on his site. If a couple wanted to do that they would have to sign papers and do it elsewhere. That was the issue we had in doing IVF. Also once we are through having kids, we can donate them. Just a little of what we went through. God is good and having my son made it all worth while. I know it not may seem like it now for sure, but when that moment comes it will. The lord is holding you and comforting you through this time. Many blessings and may your little miracle come in Gods perfect time.
I'm soo sorry you have to deal with this! I wish it was easier and I wish there were answers, but please hold on to hope! It can happen!!! I am Catholic, and for us it came down to looking at our life. We did IVF 4x, it is obviously a decision you have to make one ther, but we became almost desperate and wanted to try anything we could to grow our family. Having a child became one of the most important things in our life. If anything it almost gave us more answers about my eggs and quality. We had a 4% chance of conceiving and IVF was not a guarantee and it was not how we ended up with our son - we used clomid while priming for another ivf round and got pregnant. Our dr can't explain how it happened, but it did!
ReplyDeleteI completely get all those feeling you mentioned and I am holding on to hope for you and praying! If you ever need to chat or vent, please don't hesitate
I haven't logged on in months but i'm so sorry to read this. Thinking of you girl
ReplyDeletei have always admired how honest you are and i know this must've been so hard to write!! you are brave and beautiful and would make a great mama and God knows that. i don't understand at all why is has to be so hard for so many women. i get the IVF/catholic thing, too, and that's such a tough call!!! i have loved following you all these years and i will keep you in my prayers. :)
ReplyDeleteHi, I am a long time reader. I was so pleased to see a post from you, even if the post was referencing your fertility struggles. Life can't always be rainbows and flowers, right? I think you are brave to share about this part of you life. You obviously have a large reading base who is supporting you and praying for you.
ReplyDeleteI recently attended a six week bible study at my church in Houston that was lead by a woman named Gari Meacham. She is a great lady who has written several books and does speaking engagements all over the country.
Her study was about being hope full, especially when God seems to have us in a holding or waiting period. If you go to her website, she has the study posted in pod-casts. The series is very well done and I found it to be very moving.
I recommend this to you bc I have a dear friend struggling with a similar situation and she did like listening to the pod casts and felt that they helped encourage her.
I pray that they could be of help to you, too. Hugs, girl.
P.S. I was finally able to start following you IG! For some reason I could never find your account before. Love all the pics of your fur-baby and your student's art.
This is so painful, and I'm so sorry for you. I don't think God's trying to "tell" you anything except that he loves you. I'm Catholic too. IVF is against church teaching, but have you heard of NaPro technology? It's actually more effective than IVF and way cheaper. They try to get to the issues behind the infertility, and it is "approved" for Catholics because no embryos are created and then destroyed or left frozen indefinitely. I'd encourage you to look into it. This link will help you find doctors that use this technology: http://www.fertilitycare.org/ and this link will tell you more about the ideas behind it: http://www.naprotechnology.com/links.htm. I was skeptical myself because I thought this was the old "rhythm method" from the 1950s, but after looking into it for my own fertility, I think it's the future of OB/GYN care. My doctor is NaPro trained, and it's excellent. Feel free to email me if you'd like to talk more about it: arimack7 at gmail dot com.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are dealing with this. It's not easy. We needed fertility help for both our babies and I know it doesn't help at all to hear it but don't lose hope. I thought I would be a fur mommy only for a long time. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that you are having to go through this. My husband and I have one child, but after a miscarriage last year, we have been unable to have another. We are currently doing some treatments, but it's a long and frustrating process. It's very hard to understand why it comes so easily for some. You will be in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteAs a Catholic and someone that did IVF, I think the way I looked at it was that we had a medical issue that if we went ahead with the IVF, it would possibly shed more light on what exactly that medical issue was. And honestly, thank God we did, because it was through all of our infertility treatments that we found out that I had Stage 3 Endometriosis. Morally for us, the biggest concern was what we would do with any unused embryos. And we decided to donate them. In the end, of 7 that we had, we used all of them and 1 became our take home baby. I hope you and your husband are able to find a decision that works for both of you. Also, there is a great support group on FB if you are interested in joining, let me know. I know sometimes infertility is very isolating, especially when all of your real life friends have children and can't relate.
ReplyDeleteThis is a late comment but I wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you... I know these feelings ALL too well! Stay strong and don't give up. Easier said than done sometimes, I know...
ReplyDeleteAs for the religious aspect, I'm Catholic as well. I believe the church's traditional stance is "against" donor use? I think there's also something about embryos afterwards and being "destroyed."
I am sorry you are going through this. I have yet to meet you but I too think you would be a great mom- through watching your snaps, reading your blog, and following your IG. You are such an amazing fur m0m---your pups are so lucky to have you. I have had my own "unable to be a mom issue" and I too wondered -- why not me?--Why was I never given a baby. My story is long and a bit different but you are still young and there is time but I understand your concern of "running out of time". I will pray that you and your husband will make the best decision for your family. I am catholic as well----prayers to you and your family. <3
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