I had my first IUI 2 weeks ago. Today the nurse called after yesterday's blood test and said that I wasn't pregnant. :(
Heartbroken, frustrated, defeated are all pretty much words that describe how I feel. This has been going on for TWO YEARS.
How many IUIs am I suppose to go through? How many more failures? What's wrong with me? Because according to the doctor, both my hubby and I are fine, normal, healthy.
It's hard not to want to throw in the towel on all of this. It's hard to be on social media when everyone is showing off their bumps and babies their pride and joys.
Back to the drawing board. Maybe it wasn't meant in God's plan for me to be a parent. Maybe I'm to selfish or to self absorbed to be a parent. Maybe being a teacher to other's children is all I am cut out for. Maybe fur babies are all I can handle. For those of you saying or wondering if IVF is next for us, it isn't. We just don't have that kind of money saved.
That's it for now.
Have you had them test your natural killer cells? I was completely surprised to hear that not many people going through infertility know about it. This video changed everything for me...(we aren't trying right now, but I like to have all my bases covered because I'm a control freak): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUW_MWgFYj4&list=UURDKtuX7DZDqAYoM_TX-iCw
ReplyDeleteIf you've already heard of this - sorry to repeat :( I'm thinking of you guys and pray for the best in the next steps.
Have you had any genetic testing done?? I was having a hard time getting pregnant, then finally GOT pregnant, and kept miscarrying :( I had genetic testing done and have MTHFR... It's a blood clotting disorder.. I had some other medical issues after I found that out, but a few months later, got in blood thinners, got pregnant, and carried my son to term.. Healthy as can be :) I'm sure you've had tests done, but just thought I'd throw that out there .. Good luck!!!!
ReplyDeleteLove your spirit. Love your "real-ness". Love that you can admit when you feel defeated. And I love that I can feel hope through your words on here...despite what is written. Hope may be all you have to cling to right now...but I am praying for strength. You are an amazing girl. You WILL be a mama one day. Keep clinging to that ounce of hope that you have!
ReplyDeletePraying that you will able to become pregnant! I had so issues at first, so I know all scary and frustrating it can all be. Prayers for peace and prayers that you will be able to become pregnant and have a healthy baby. The few times that I've read your blog it's so obvious that you love kids, so of course you deserve to be a parent. Thanks for sharing your journey
ReplyDeletei know it's hard to see the good in these types of situations friend, but know i am praying for you!! keep trying and don't give up...i have friends where IUI worked immediately and others going through it and IVF and they are still in limbo... i will tell you what i tell them: God will give you a family one way or another and know you've got a lot of people cheering for you in the background ;) OXOX
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear this girl! Hug & prayers coming your way!
ReplyDeleteYou should look into NaPro technology. It's not as invasive as IVF, more natural, and actually more effective according to statistics. Their "headquarters" is in Nebraska, but there are NaPro doctors all over the country. http://www.naprotechnology.com/
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear this -- like i said on instagram, i've been through this. it's hard and heartbreaking and not fair. If you need someone to talk to, vent to, or bounce ideas off of, please feel free to reach out to me.
ReplyDeleteYou're not alone and this whole blogging community is praying for you!! You WILL be a Mommy... God wants that for you, I know that much is true...
ReplyDeleteThinking of you Cass. I remember how hard it was seeing all the pregnancy posts and imagine its even tougher considering its taking longer for you. I will be thinking of you!!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry, friend. I wish I had some words of wisdom or words of advice or just words of comfort. But I know there aren't any words that will take the weight off your shoulders for this. And I couldn't imagine how that feels but it breaks my heart to think about how hard it must be. I've had other friends go through similar struggles. And upon talking to them, I got a better understanding how what it must be like to help host showers, help celebrate others' bundles of joy, etc. And also...it seems like people who should never be parents can often just blink and get knocked up...while people who would make amazing parents deal with struggles. It just doesn't seem fair.
ReplyDeleteAnd I don't know if there's remotely any comfort in connecting with others who went through struggles...or reading about theirs. But I read another blog whose author struggled with infertility and went through several IUIs. She now has two kids. I dont know her personally, but she seems really sweet. Anyway, just if you wanted to read to know you're not alone... http://shullfamily.blogspot.com/2013/02/infertility.html
ReplyDeleteUgh I remember these feelings all to well!!! Don't lose hope! Gods not saying no, He's say not yet. It takes time for perfection!! I wish people didn't gave to go through this and it always seems to be the people who want it the most!! Stay strong, but take your time to be upset. If you ever need to talk, let me know! It took us 4 long years to conceive with a 4% success rate and after 4 failed ivf cycles, we tried clomid and got pregnant!! It CAN happen!!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you! I can't begin to understand what you're going through, but I know God will give you strength for no matter what happens. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine what you are going through and I understand why you would be asking yourself those questions because we women are so hard on ourselves no matter what the topic--- but you are an amazing woman and one day I hope with all of my heart that you will get to experience motherhood---and you will be amazing at that too.
ReplyDeleteI can't find the right words to say, but know that I am thinking of you and praying for you.
I'm late to this post but I am so sorry and it breaks my heart that you're going through this.. As someone who is also dealing with infertility, and the choice is such a personal one and won't be the right one for many, but we decided that because my husbands job covered our necessary living expenses that I would quit my job so that I could work at a company that offered IVF coverage. I took a massive pay cut but the way we looked at is was it was covering treatment worth 15-20k so we looked at that as "income" as well because we could have never coughed up that type of money. Unfortunately after 2 cycles of IVF and no embryos to freeze after either, we have maxed out the IVF maximum for our insurance. I will be looking for a new job with IVF coverage in the near future. It's not easy but we decided we would rather do without all the extras, and put ourselves on a strict budget so that we could at least attempt to get pregnant. Like I said, its such a personal choice and there are so many other things that go into it, but I knew for myself that if I didn't at least try I would always wonder what if so that's where we are. If you are ever interested there are several forums that list companies by state that offer IVF coverage… one of the best ones I've found is Bank of America. they will cover up to 100k of fertility treatments. Because I have zero background in banking or finances I would have to do an entry level position, teller, and make like 11 dollars an hour but when I add that to 100k of benefits it makes the decision easier. Just don't ever give up on what you want. There are so many options. Best of luck and baby dust to you!
ReplyDeleteKeep trying. Your success or struggles doesn't have anything to do with you being a fit parent. I second NaPro Technology. It's naturally based.
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