I am home from work and have read-- so far, the 30 responses to my post today!
Thank you all so much for you kind words!
Here's the thing--I think a lot of you must have way nicer friends and family than I, because I really do NOT anticipate receiving anything from anyone since we are, as of right now, NOT planning on having a reception, party, gathering of any kind, anytime soon after our marriage. :( Sad face.
Money. Money. Money. Oh how I loathe thee.
All of Mister Wonderful's family lives in Cleveland. All of my family lives in Columbus, Toledo, Bowling Green area ( with the exception of my parents in Colorado, and my brother in Montana.)
Thus, with everyone so spread out, getting everyone together for a "gathering" is like pulling teeth in my family.
I wish I was having a bridal shower or wedding shower, but nothing like that is in the works. Like I mentioned before, I think a lot of you have much more involved "Friends" in your life/lives than I do! I hate saying it like that, but the majority of my friends live everywhere, and they hardly talk to me as it is. And admitting that on blogger to blog friends really really sucks. Makes me feel really bad about myself. BUT, the upside I can say is that IT ISNT ME!!!!!
I am ALWAYS doing my best to stay in touch. I am on FB constantly talking to friends, emailing, etc etc. It's the whole don't return texts or VOICE MAILS that I really loathe about my so called "Friends". I've thrown in the towel on a few. The ones that magically let their new husbands, kids whatever consume their lives and they forget the people that were once an important part of their lives in the beginning. You know this kind am I right? the ones that call when it's CONVENIENT for them or when they have a crisis or need a prayer. NOT to see how you are doing.
Yeah those kind.
I'm the brave one that moved away first, (SEVEN YEARS IN AZ) and well, has yet to return to Ohio/Illinois (and I don't plan on it anytime soon) thus making me the odd one out from all my little townie friends that never left home so to speak.
I just am afraid to register and look really stupid like we are "asking" for things when we are not inviting anyone to the wedding (due to costs and such) and we are not throwing ourselves a party once married either.
We are sending out Wedding Announcements, kind of like save the dates but different.
The difference is the wording, which won't be inviting friends and family so to speak to the big day, but letting them know that we are having a private ceremony, and that their presence will be very much thought of and missed on our big day...
Something like that anyway! Those are in the works as we speak, waiting on getting our engagement pictures taken not this weekend but next weekend!
We are sending out Wedding Announcements, kind of like save the dates but different.
The difference is the wording, which won't be inviting friends and family so to speak to the big day, but letting them know that we are having a private ceremony, and that their presence will be very much thought of and missed on our big day...
Something like that anyway! Those are in the works as we speak, waiting on getting our engagement pictures taken not this weekend but next weekend!
Make sense?
Thoughts on this?
This really, thus far, has really been the only downer and "bummer" of the whole wedding adventure.
I'm in a similar situation to you in that I'm not having a lot of people come to my wedding. I'm asking for contributions to our honeymoon rather than gifts but I will wait to see if people ask about giving gifts. Leaving it completely up to them is the only way I feel comfortable doing it.
ReplyDeleteSo interesting reading your plans with my wedding coming up not long after yours!
Amelia @ UGLY DUCKLING x
I WAS AN UGLY DUCKLING BLOG!
I say honestly if you aren't comfortable registering then definitely don't. It's always good to follow your gut. What really matters is you and your love are getting married & will be husband and wife.
ReplyDeleteOn the friend issue I 510% know exactly what you mean.. Don't get discouraged, you have so many amazing friends through blogging the negative ones can just fly out the window. In my eyes, if they aren't positive relationships then they shouldn't be relationships at all.
Xoxo
I think we would definitely be great friends if we lived closeby girl! I am sorry!! And hey, my hubby is from Cleveland too! Where is your man from?! Jon has lived in South Euclid and went to HS in Medina :-) xoxooxo
ReplyDeletelike i said i wish we lived alot closer..because dangggg girl i would sugar you up and get you a bridal/wedding shower..even if it was just a few people!
ReplyDeletei dont want you to miss out on anything that is involved with getting married and it sucks to see that some of your friends...even if they arent super close arent willing to atleast have something for you? maybe thats just me and im a good friend i feel?
butttt whenever you wanna move to vegas! im here! =]
So sorry about your family and friends C Mae :( I know how you feel though. I moved here to DC for college 2 years ago and left all of my friends behind in Washington State. It's SO hard to keep in touch with them now. Some of them won't even respond to my facebook messages, even though i know they've been on facebook! It's really sad, but I just have to deal with it. And as for my family, I don't know ANYONE from my dad's family. Long story short- my dad left my mom when she was pregnant with me so therefore my dad's family is pretty much nonexistent. And my mom's side of the family- 90% live in Colombia. I know i'm not gonna be getting married ANY time soon, but i just don't see anyone from my family coming here to the U.S. to see me get married. It's very expensive and far away!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for writing you an essay! lol
I bet if you registered and put it on your blog you'd get gifts from blog friends! Just sayin' ;)
ReplyDeleteMy situation is a lot like yours... which is really sad ::( and I dislike it.
ReplyDeleteSorry to here that! I think the wedding announcements is a great idea! If you don't register it may be likely that your family and friends will hopefully send you guys a card with some money, ( I just know that that is what I would do!)
ReplyDeleteGood luck with everything and don't stress, in the end all that matters is you and the future hubby!
xoxo
Petchie
http://itsallofthelittlethings.blogspot.com/
I know what you mean on the losing friends thing. I feel like it's an out of sight out of mind type thing, but any time I move I feel like my friends from the last place I live are so hard to keep in touch with and we eventually lose touch all together. It's definitely frustrating.
ReplyDeleteI recently got married & we received a lot of "no's". Like you, we have family everywhere. We had the wedding in Tn where we live, but neither of our parents were from the state so they have their family in Pennsylvania, California, Texas, and Georgia. We knew this going in, but we still registered & a lot of people shipped our presents. I think that if you worded it right that it would be totally acceptable to ask family & "friends" to show their support by helping you get items that you might need/want to start your married lives together. Maybe simply adding "If you would like to help us start our new lives together we are registered at ______".
ReplyDeleteAw that's too bad. I have the same issue with a few people. I find that even though Facebook is supposed to be a way to connect with people, it can actually do the opposite. I have some "friends" that think liking a few photos is the same as keeping in contact. It's not lol. Regardless I'm sure the people who are still in your life are the ones who are meant to be :) And keep in mind - it's your wedding, do whatever you want to do!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteohhh girl i can relate to you on this! I moved away just 2 years ago and I already feel the change w/ friends. since we live across the states from where we will have our wedding, it made sense for us to do a honeymoon registry rather than a gift registry and I can already see some eyes rolling from friends and fam. But whateves you just gotta do what YOU want to do :)
ReplyDeleteYour Hawaii private wedding sounds SUPER romantic!
I've learned that no matter what you do, people will still find something to be upset about. Just do what works for you and your man. It sounds like you have most of your plans and ideas together. Yay for getting your engagements taken soon!!! :)
ReplyDeleteYou could still do a small registry for those people at work or wherevs that will say, "We want to get you a gift." Then you'll be able to refer them somewhere, but it would be lower pressure? Just a thought!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry girl :( I feel the same way about my friends too. It's sad, but so true! As for the wedding, I haven't had to deal with planning a wedding yet, but i'm' sure within a year or two i'll be in the same boat as you!
ReplyDeleteKeep your head up :) It'll all work out in the end!
Without going into much detail I can relate to the "friend" stuff. Sorry this is happening to you, I hope that it all works out for you. If I had to give any advice, I'd say to just do what you want to do and what makes your and your fiance happy and don't worry about anybody else. Good luck girl!
ReplyDeleteXO. Britt
The Magnolia Pair
:)
I think you have some time to decide...it's still really early. People don't really do showers until a few months before. (A girl I knew registered early and some of her stuff she reg. for was discontinued by the time her showers/wedding came along.) Even if you are having a small/private wedding, your co-workers, family, and friends in AZ should want to have a shower for you! If we lived closer I would have one for you! :)
ReplyDeleteI will be referencing your post today if that is ok... It is kind of the same as your situation only in reverse? I think?
ReplyDeleteFamily is all that matters. Your current, and the one you are joining/creating. You do you. You know the old saying "friends are temporary, family is forever", is truer than true.
XO
Melissa
What I think you should definitely do is send out wedding announcements after your wedding. That's what we did... Well, that's what my mom and mother-in-law did. They included a picture of Bryan and I from our wedding, so that those who weren't there could get a glimpse of us on our special day. Anyhow, by sending out announcements you are not asking for anything - you are just announcing your marriage. BUT... if people choose to send you a gift, they now have your address. We had ZERO expectations about receiving any gifts/money based on these announcements and were so surprised when we got beautiful cards in the mail, some which included a check. You'd be surprised at how thrilled people were that we sent them an announcement and included the photo. It wasn't a professional photo, as those weren't in yet - just a snapped photo by someone. It was really nice and we were happy that we were able to include those who weren't invited or too old to fly!! Do it :)
ReplyDeleteIt's YOUR wedding...you guys do what YOU want. If you don't want to throw a party, then don't. If you don't want/need gifts or money, then don't register. After people told me what kind of wedding cake I SHOULD have, and what it should taste like, I said screw it. And I bought those chocolate cakes from Costco and that's what we had cause WE loved them. Not everyone else.
ReplyDeleteWhere in Montana does your brother live?? That's where I'm from! I've lived from one side of the state to the next at some point, so I'm sure I probably know where he lives!
WOW!!! So many people in the same situation! I'm there right along with you! 8 months ago I moved across the country (Canada! haha) and have found it so hard to keep my friends interested in my life since I'm not right infront of them anymore....it sucks. It's the hardest thing I've had to deal with since being here....
ReplyDeleteI totally understand where your coming from....even though I'm not engaged my bf and I were just discussing this same situation last weekend....its a tough one.
But do what makes you happy in the moment and don't stress about if your friends or family will be there for you on your day....do what makes you happy!
http://vodka-caviar.blogspot.com
Oh i am so sorry to hear that! That is terrible! I am from Connecticut but went to the University of Alabama for college and have lived in the south ever since, its all about how close you were to begin with and how hard you work to stay with friends once you move away. I am blessed to still have those relationships :)
ReplyDeleteWish we were closer girl!
ReplyDeleteMaybe you could register but only tell people about it if they ask. That way it doesn't seem like you're asking people to give you presents but you still have a good list for those that do.
ReplyDeletei'm sorry to hear this, but don't let it get you down about your wedding! this is going to be such a WONDERFUL day for you and Mr W. also, every single wedding has drama. all of them, anyone who says different is lying through their stinking teeth. a private ceremony is going to be beautiful and perfect, that's what it's about to begin with. focus on the big stuff and forget the little things.
ReplyDeleteWe got married in the courthouse 2 weeks before my husband deployed, and my mom threw me a "virtual shower"
ReplyDeleteThere wasnt time for me to come back to NY, so she hosted the party at her house, and skyped me in. My sister opened my gifts for me, and I got to enjoy in all the festivities (aside from the yummy food) and then my mom brought me my presents the next time she came to visit.
Not sure how your relationship with your mom is, but I thought this might be a helpful alternative.
Aw C mae so sorry about this. That's a tough decision. I agree with what Kate said though..send out those announcements afterwards. I desperately want you to have a shower too (maybe work friends?) bc I don't want you to miss out :( sounds like everything else is goingwell though.
ReplyDeleteDo what you feel most comfortable with... I live in the same city where I grew up and even then friendships are difficult to maintain.
ReplyDeleteWhen my day comes I'd like to be able to keep it private and intimate. I don't like the notion of feeling like you "should" invite someone and plan a party to cater to friends & family's expectations. We'll see...