So here's the deal.
Mister Wonderful & I are having a destination wedding, with the only people attending will be our parents, brothers and sisters. No one else.
Why?
All of our families live in Ohio, and with the economy being the way it is, it's pretty much a given that no one will pay $800 dollars to fly to Hawaii to see us get married. (Yes tickets are really that high, that's what we are paying PER PERSON for us to fly out there in August!)
So rather than pay all the money in invitations knowing our families and their reputations, and receive all the "NO"s replies in wedding invites, we just decided to make it a private ceremony.
With that being said, are we, I, suppose to register for gifts? I am not sure what the proper "Etiquette" is for this part in the wedding process?
Please, if you have been in my shoes or know the answer, share some advice/light on the situation--I'm all ears!
I think you should register. We have been invited (and not been invited) to destination weddings before for similar reasons and we have always gotten a gift for people regardless. Most people want to wish you well whether or not they are invited or attending the wedding and that is best expressed (for most) via a gift. The worst that could happen is that you don't get much from it, but you do get discounts and perks from the places you register to buy what you want :)
ReplyDeleteChelsea (www.hautechildinthecity.com)
I didn't do a destination wedding, so I wasn't in the same situation, but my thought is that if you're going to have any bridal showers, than you should probably do some sort of registry. {People want to have an idea of what to buy, and there are definitely some people you DON'T want to be creative...if you catch my drift} :)
ReplyDeleteAre you having any type of party/reception for your family back home? I've heard of people doing that...you can also do a honeymoon registry.
Hope that helps!
emily
When we were planning our showers I read somewhere that if you aren't inviting someone to the wedding, then you shouldn't invite them to a wedding shower. It's like asking for a gift and not giving them anything in return (aka a wedding invitation).
ReplyDeleteAre y'all planning on doing a party/reception or anything to celebrate with extended family and friends once you get back? If you are, I think it'd be ok to register and expect gifts. Otherwise, it might be inappropriate?
That's a tough one!
Are you planning on having a reception when you get back home? If so, then a wedding registry is perfectly acceptable. According to some of the etiquette sites I have read before, I'm under the impression that if you are having a private ceremony, you should not have a wedding registry.
ReplyDeleteI honestly think that the entire choice is really up to you and what you want, though.
Are you having a shower thrown for you? You will need to register for that if so.
I'm no etiquette expert, but I would think it totally fine to register. I have been invited to several destiantion weddings, most of which I've been unable to go to. But all of them have had showers that were NOT destination. If you are planning a local shower I would definitely register. Even if you're not, I don't see the harm in registering.
ReplyDeleteYou should definitely register even though you are having a destination wedding. Are you going to have a bridal shower? I think there is nothing wrong with registering even though you are having a destination wedding because it gives your extended family and friends a way to congratulate you on your marriage. At least you will be registered and will get things you actaully want and need rather than gifts that people just got because they didn't know what you wanted.
ReplyDeleteAlso, will you be sending out wedding announcements? Because if so or if you are having a shower I think it's totally acceptable to register!
xoxo
Petchie
http://itsallofthelittlethings.blogspot.com/
I would still assume you're suppose to register if you want, I know a couple who did a destination wedding here, but they still had showers for family and friends in town.
ReplyDeleteI would have loved a destination wedding, It will be so beautiful! If you are planning on having any showers or a "reception/celebration" with loved ones after the wedding I would say to register. If not, I wouldn't worry about it!!
ReplyDeleteYES!!! Definitely register!! You are going to gifts regardless if people are invited/go to to your wedding or not, you might as well get things that you'll actually like/use!!! And usually places that you register offer you 10% off anything that's left on your registry after your wedding date - so those gift cards you get come in handy and you get a discount on things that you want! :)
ReplyDeleteRegister and let all your blog friends know!! :)
If you plan on having any showers, engagement parties or a reception when you get back, I would definitely register.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you could plan a trip to see your family and have a reception there?? :)
I would register if you were going to have engagement parties/ wedding showers but the etiquette is to only invite someone to a party or shower that is invited to the wedding. Are you going to have some sort of reception when you come back? If so, you could register for that purpose. I really recommend having something to celebrate with friends and family when you come back. My sister had a destination wedding where a lot of friends and family couldn't come and I think she regrets it a little. This is a once in a lifetime moment that goes by so quickly enjoy it with those who love you- you will have such wonderful memories!
ReplyDeleteI would definitely register just for the heck of it. You will probably have family members/friends who ask or want to buy you a gift anyway, especially if they can't afford to be at the ceremony (even though they aren't technically invited). It can't hurt anything!
ReplyDeleteSince I'm not married i have no opinion but I think destination weddings are the way to go!
ReplyDeleteI am planning a destination wedding as well and I think we will still register but we are going to have a small reception before we leave for those that cannot make the trip!
ReplyDeletefirst of all...what an amazing wedding you will have! I am going to a destination wedding in cancun in October!! are yall going to have a local reception when you come back?? you could do something informal and invite everyone you'd want to invite to your wedding (heck you could do an evite!) and register for gifts!
ReplyDeleteAre you going to have any sort of reception when you get back home that you will invite people to? If so, then yes register and have showers.
ReplyDeleteIf not, "proper etiquette" says do not expect gifts/showers if you are not repaying and inviting them to something whether it be the wedding or a reception later on.
However, there are many different ways of doing things now and they don't always follow the "proper etiquette" so its up to you!
if your family/friends are having a shower(s) for you to celebrate, then i would definitely register...there is NOTHING wrong with registering for gifts!! trust me, people will want to support you and your fiance -- go for it
ReplyDeleteI would still register. You will have bridal showers and people will need to know what to get you. Also, other family and friends will want to give you a congratulations gift anyways...whether they were invited or not!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on your destination wedding decision. I really want a destination wedding too! :)
Forrest and I were married in front of our parents and siblings; however, everyone wanted to buy us presents to celebrate our commitment but I didn't register anywhere. BIG FAT HUGE MISTAKE! I received soooo many "general" wedding gifts (aka platters and fancy bowls) that I really never use. Even though most of your family / friends aren't attending the actual wedding, I'm sure they will want to send you a "congrats gift" and to make it easier on them (and you)...I would register for what you guys want / need! :)
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you're dealing with a lot of the same as we did. The Wedding industry has made millions off of all the "stuff" that you need to do and all the books and magazines that tell you what to do. I could continue from there, but here is what we did. We carefully worded our email invites, yes, no paper (waste of money in my opinon for something most people toss in the trash) with a statement of what was important to us. That statement showed we really just care that our family and friends closest to us share our day. If beyond that they wanted to give a gift we explained that we don't need "things" and would prefer to travel and spend time together etc. Everyone really appreciated the fact that they were not buying us plates, spoons, and glasses that were totally meaningless. That's my opinon and I know the wedding industry says otherwise but our family and friends were very happy with it being much more personal.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Petchie that you should send out marriage announcements. It's nice for relatives who are out of town to get a sense that they're still on your minds. I say, invite everyone so they feel like they're a part of things - even if you know (and you really never know) they won't make the trip to Hawaii. Maybe we can have a cyber bridal shower for you with all your blogger friends!! I know we'd love to send a wee gift to celebrate your upcoming wedding.
ReplyDeleteI think because people know they aren't able to make it to the actual wedding that they would like to buy you gifts, even if they weren't officially invited. Especially family and close friends :) We got tons of gifts from people who responded no to our wedding because they couldn't make the flight here.
ReplyDeleteI would definitely register! People will definitely want to get you gifts, but won't know what to get you if you aren't registered. I would definitely have a bigger bridal shower or an engagement party where you can invite your friends and family that won't be attending the ceremony. Even if you don't do that, I'm sure people would still like to be able to send you gifts. So yes...register! PS> you could always send out wedding announcements to your friends and family. Not exactly an invite, but that way, they know you're thinking of them. You could casually mention that you are registered somewhere in a small font at the bottom of the announcement.
ReplyDeleteI was in a very similar situation, but even more complicated as the wedding was in the same town as where the hubby & I grew up, yet it was going to still stay a small wedding to stay true to the idea that we wanted. I strongly suggest registering. We received many gifts from friends that wanted to support us or wish us well and wanted to give us something that we wanted to start our new life together. Registering might feel a little strange as you are not inviting people to the wedding but it will make it easier on you (not having to return unwanted gifts) and easier on your well wishers (they will be satisfied and happy buying something that you guys want or need for the house). Also, if not all gifts are purchased, ours weren't, it makes upcoming gift buying easy for friends and family! Think birthdays and the holidays!
ReplyDeleteLove your blog!
xoxo navy & orange
I haven't been in your shoes, but i would say REGISTER! People may still want to give you a gift, and i think it helps them to get you something you want and need rather than something you don't. I don't think it would hurt to register!
ReplyDeleteGabe and I had an 11 person wedding, so I can TOTALLY relate to your dilemma. We had a beautiful reception 3months later to include family and friends do we absolutely registered. Hopefully you will have a bridal shower or reception do friends can celebrate and love in you two as a couple with gifts you want!!!!
ReplyDeleteWe had a destination wedding and only invited immediate family and very close friends,then had a reception once we got back home that was casual and didn't break the bank (since destination weddings can be super costly).
ReplyDeleteWe registered and had three good-sized showers, so I made sure that anyone who was inivited to a shower got an invite to our reception (to try to go with etiquette rules). Not sure if the separate reception is in your budget, but you could have a casual reception (maybe a backyard BBQ or something really affordable) for super cheap once you get home so you could include everyone?
If you're planning on having any type of showers, bachelorette parties, receptions when you get back, DO register. If not, you'll end up getting a bunch of crap you don't want. My cousin just got married-she didn't want to register anywhere because she's greedy and just wanted money. She didn't register anywhere, so people just got creative and gave her what they thought she needed. She got LOTS of baking dishes (she doesn't bake) and even some porcelain dolls-no I'm not kidding. REGISTER!!!
ReplyDeleteIMO You can always do a "we got married" party when you return with your family/friends... I think that is the easiest way to include people, celebrate your marriage, without actually inviting them to the wedding. It also helps cut the cost, and you both will get to enjoy it a little more!!
ReplyDelete(Especially since it is a destination wedding!)
I agree with what someone said earlier that it is a GREAT idea to send out wedding announcements after the wedding, however, most people might find it inappropriate to mention where you are registered on the actual announcement.
The best way around that situation, is to let your close friends and family know where you are registered, AND create a super easy wedding website, or a link to your blog, that then links up to your registries and put that website/blog address on the announcement!!!
That way you can post a couple pics from the wedding, tell your engagement story, tell the wedding story a little bit.. and ppl can feel like they are a part of your wedding day!!
The people who will want to buy you a gift will either go to that website/link to find out where you're registered, ask you directly what you would like or where you're registered, or ask your family.
(I will tell you from personal experience. Most people will straight up ask you. We had it on our website, which was on the bottom of our invitation, and I would say at least 75% of the people attending asked us or someone in our family where we were registered!)
I may be old fashioned, but I say most definitely register! Just don't list them directly on any announcements or invitations!
And people will absolutely want to send you gifts even if they aren't invited to the physical wedding!
So register away girlfriend!!!!
I don't think it would hurt to register, especially if you are going to have a shower thrown for you. Take it from me who hasn't fully registered, I have people knocking down my door to ask me where we are registered at! haha
ReplyDeleteYou should still register, but it would be bad etiquette to include where you are registered on the wedding announcement. If people want to get you a gift they will find out where you are registered.
ReplyDeleteI had a destination wedding in Jamaica last year. It went so well that it was selected as one of Essence magazines top 11 weddings of 2011. I chose to register for similar reasons as you discussed above. I knew that a lot of my family would not be able to afford the flight and hotel that I selected but they still wanted to give me a gift and feel like they played a role in ushering me into this new chapter of my life. I did send out invites but did not mention my registry in the invites, on the wedding website, or in person. I simply gave the information to those who requested it. Trust me - a lot of people will ask so you might as well go ahead and register with no regrets.
ReplyDeletecheck out my blog for a pic of the wedding www.nusophisticate.com. Good luck with it all - this is a really exciting time so savor it all.
ReplyDeleteIt's really a personal decision to register, but people are going to give you gifts regardless, so it can be in your best interest (and theirs) to make sure they spend their money on something you will actually use. Good luck!!
ReplyDeleteI know a number of people who had destination weddings and then some sort of celebration when they got back. Nothing formal, more like a shower but after the wedding. And for that you should definitely register. Besides your family and friends will probably want to get you gifts even if they can't make it to the wedding.
ReplyDeleteWe did not register, because by the time we married we were in our mid 30s, already living independent lives and making good salaries. We had enough stuff for a household x 2. Had we been in our early 20s and recent grads, maybe we would have.
ReplyDeleteSo in our wedding invitation we wrote, "No Gifts, Just Wishes". We only had 25 guests. About half of them brought a present, thoughtful things that showed how well they knew us. I know I would not have enjoyed registered items nearly half as much
I think I would go ahead and register!
ReplyDelete