02 April 2012

yours, mine, ours

We've all heard the saying "What's yours is mine, and what's mine is ours" right? 

If not ( go watch little rascals the line is in that movie!)

In a few short months I will be married. As excited as I am, there is still the whole "Money" issue.

Mister Wonderful is an RN in the OR. I'm a teacher. It doesn't take rocket science to figure out which one of us is on the lower end of the totem pole when it comes to income now does it? When I say low, I do mean low. Arizona is ranked 47th or 48th out of all 50 states for the LOWEST teaching salary. 

From the moment I graduated from college, I have been  financially independent. Mister Wonderful and I currently "split" the bills and the last time we had a money discussion, it is to remain that way once we are married. This means, his account, my account, no "ours". Is this bad? 

Some people seem to think that a married couple should share everything: pay all their money into a joint account, "your" debts become "our" debts and we pay them off together, "your" kids become "our" kids and I pay half the child support and expenses, or do half of the parenting if the kids live with us, "your" problems become "our" problems and we deal with them together, "your" friends and hobbies become "our" friends and hobbies, etc. Other people think that a couple should maintain separate finances and pay equal amounts into a joint account, if the guy has kids then he should pay the child support out of his own money and the woman should only be responsible for the kids they have together, maybe one spouse shouldn't expect the other to be a parent to his/her child, and both people should still have their own friends and hobbies, etc.

Where do you draw the line at merging with a spouse after marriage? Do you merge emotionally but not financially? Do you merge families but not bank accounts? Would you put your spouse's name on an asset you already own, such as a house? Do you expect your spouse to share all their friends and hobbies? Should one spouse support the other through a college degree or something? Also, do you think different generations have a different attitude? Are younger or older people more likely to maintain their independence after marriage? Are people who have had more relationships (and therefore more breakups) more sceptical about merging with a spouse? 

I have one friend that says that all married couples should definitely have a joint bank account. If you don’t trust a person with your finances, then you shouldn’t be married to them. She says that for couples that choose not to share bank accounts, it makes money more of an issue in their marriage. If bills are divvied up (i.e. one person agrees to buy groceries, and the other agrees to pay the car insurance, etc.), the couple constantly has to talk about money. It creates situations where he looks at you with loathing when you say you want the brand name, expensive chocolate and tells you to pull out your own wallet in the grocery store! It creates anger and jealousy when one spouse earns less and can’t “afford” to do the things the other spouse can. It’s a horrible way to have a marriage, (she thinks).

I'm not really sure I agree with that! Do any of you?

If you are a person who is getting married later in life and have accumulated a nest egg on your own, would you want your mate to have access to all of it?
I'm not sure I would! Ideally, it would be nice to see all the money in one pot. However, if I want to go and drop 40 dollars on a pedicure, 25 on Aspen's monthly bath and brush, 50-80 dollars on 1-2 tops, I DON'T want to be questioned as to why I spent so much money and on what, and what for. If it's my money then I should be able to spend it right? (Assuming that I am still paying my half of the bills and not slacking there at all) 
I would have to label myself as the spender and Mister Wonderful is the saver. But this also plays into the huge fact that Mister Wonderful is NOT a shopper. He loathes the mall or spending money on things like shirts or clothes lol The man gets to wear provided scrubs to work everyday so him needing a wardrobe is not really a part of his 'style' so to speak! I think in general, separate is good, at least for us now, that way I don't feel guilty about spending my own money.

What do YOU think?



  1. i think every couple is different and each couple should do what fits them best! e and i will become 'one' but we have friends that still have separate and that works perfect for them. we've alrady divied up bills...since he makes more he pays for more and and we each have left over money to do whatever with...its works for us but it may not work for others.
    happy monday girl!!

  2. I've been married for almost 2 yrs and what I've learned from this marriage is that each of us should have our own accounts. My husband and I have a joint account where we put money to pay our bills off but then we have our own accounts that we each put an "allowance" in for us to spend on ourselves. Thats how it's always been because my husband and I got in a huge fight when it came to the joint account. But each couple is different.

  3. My hubby and I got a joint account shortly after getting married. Everything became "ours" which meant my med school debt became "his" debt too! We're the same - I'm the spender, he's the saver, and I think pooling everything together just works for us. It does hold me accountable because it makes me think, "do I really need {blank}?" before I just go buy something.

    Love the new blog design...pretty in pink!

  4. I'm getting married this month and I have had concerns about splitting accounts. We have lived together for almost 3 years and we split everything in half. My fiancé is a banker and he handles most finances but I can't stand he has the ability to see all of my purchases and my history of credit card debt.

  5. My husband and I have every intention of getting a joint bank account.... But it's been well over two years and we just haven't gotten around to it yet! We kind of have the bills split - I pay cable, he pays electric, insurance, and some others.... Then we each have our own car and phone payments. But when we go out he pays and we take turns with groceries. It's kind of a mess but we are lazy and for some reason the bank always looks busy and intimidating! I know lots of people who pool their money and then just share, but we don't want to ever do that, we want to have our money pay the bills and then have our own spending money on the side.

  6. Great post lady! It's definitely an issue worth talking about. I got married in August and our money situation hasn't honestly changed too much. He has his account, I have mine and we split everything half and half. I mean we're not pulling out receipts every time one of us pays something to figure out what the other person owes but when it comes to rent and bills, it's definitely split. Groceries and that is picked up by whoever feels like paying that time. I don't agree that having separate accounts equals some lack of trust. I don't want to have to "ask" if I can take money from a joint account to buy shoes. The way I see it, if bills are paid and savings are put aside, any extra money you make is yours to spend. :)

  7. D and I have different accounts. He makes way more than me, and pays for mostl everything. I buy groceries and kids clothes, that sort of thing. He pays all house bills. Once you are married for awhile you just make it work.

  8. I'm not married or even engaged yet, but I think when it comes to money and joint accounts couples have to do what works for THEM. It doesn't matter what other people think you should do or what is the "right" way - if separate accounts are the best way for you and Mr. Wonderful to handle your expenses then go for it! It's your money and your relationship, you guys shouldn't have to explain your reasons for doing things to anyone. Nor should anyone make you feel as though what you are doing is "wrong". But that's just me!

  9. I can totally see both sides of this. I definitely think the whole joint account is a generation thing, its something our parents did and actually my parents expect that I would take the same route. However, I have a couple friends who have separate accounts. I can see where you are coming from as far as wanting to splurge on yourself and not have to answer to anyone. I can also see where your friend is coming from and having separate accounts could also make money an issue. I don't think its a big deal to maybe start off separate and maybe join somewhere in the future? Perhaps after kids?

  10. Very interesting post, and very well thought provoking. Just to clarify, I am NOT married nor engaged so this is NOT anything I HAVE done. Just what I think I will.

    I believe I would want a joint account and a seperate account. I agree with you cmae, if I wanna buy shoes, let me buy shoes. If I want sushi (my bf hates it) let me buy sushi. If he wants to buy special crossfit equipment, go ahead, with your money.

    To me, a joint account would be a good thing to have for expenses, vacations and for kids down the line. As long as the bills are being paid, I really don't have any grounds to gripe at my husband.

    I have friends who swear by joint accounts and others who LOVE having seperate. I personally think it's to each their own. Every relationship is different, there is no RIGHT or WRONG way.

    Happy Monday! xoxo

  11. Great Post! My Fiance and I talk about this a lot. We currently have separate bank accounts, but a joint account that serves as our Vacation Fund. We've had it for years, and it's been a great way for us to equally contribute to certain things. Down the line, we plan on having one joint account. However, we are like you and Mister Wonderful. I shop and shop and shop some more and Jason HATES shopping. I think no matter what, you'll have to do what works best for YOU two. I've heard of couples splitting bills in accordance of what they make. (like 60/40 or 70/30) It's all up to what makes you comfortable. As long as your upfront with your spouse about Money - whether it's a joint or separate account - it will work :)

  12. I think you asked a *really* loaded question. Ha!

    We've been married for 2.5 years and been together for over seven. We have separate accounts. He has two business accounts and one personal account and I have two personal accounts. We have one really high interest savings account that has both our names on it. And one credit card that we share.

    We chose not to combine anything. My cars have my name on them not his. His truck and all his lawn equipment are all in his name not mine.

    Our financial situation is different now since my husband is in school full time. (7 classes this semester) He isn't working outside of his own business anymore so we are really careful with money. We divide all our bills, not in half, but one person pays utilities one person pays rent sort of deal. While his name isn't on my account he knows to the dollar what should be in there. (he's the financially responsible one) We are open about what we buy and want to buy. I know that he isn't going to deny me buying something just because he thinks I don't need it. I'm not a crazy shopper so when I say I want new pants or shoes he knows I'm being practical.

    Also we did the Crown Financial Class. It was seriously awesome. Lays it all out for you it was such a blessing to us!!

    Good Luck!! (& Congrats!)

  13. This is a great topic, and one i talked to many of my friends about when I got married. Right now, my husband and i have seperate checking accounts but share a joint savings account. He pays the mortgage on our condo, i pay everything else (utilities, gas for the cars, etc) We both have some debt so are working independently to pay that off. However, the "plan" is that once his debt is paid off, he'll basically be giving me the majority of his check and i'll be in charge of the finances, as I'm the more organized one.

    In terms of our own "fun" spending, our deal was, he gets to keep his Jets season tickets -- his one big splurge for the year and in return, he gets no input to the amount of shopping that I do (within reason).

    I think for now our situation works bc we respect each other and also are both smart about how we spend our money. I'm the saver and he's the spender, but I think its good to have the input from your partner to sway you the opposite way once in a while.

  14. I just got married in Oct. When that time came the hubs and I decided to create a joint account together, as well as still have our own. We've started putting around 20% of our income into the joint account for things like bills and other mutual expenses. Our own accounts have become our "fun" money accounts, and to be honest it's worked out AWESOME! There has been no arguments what so ever about money because we know we have plenty to pay the bills and we drain our own then that's our own problem. It combines the fact that we really are a married couple, we should share finances that's part of being married, yet we are individuals have our own wants. What's even better is we've ended up saving quite a bit in the joint account because 20% of each of our income is a decent amount and over our monthly expenses. I think you should give the joint account a try, you might be surprised. If it doesn't work you just close it :) Can't hurt right?

  15. My husband and I got a joint checking account before we got married, but when we moved in together, so we could easily pay bills. We have kept that system now that we are married and it works for us! I totally agree with you - if I want a new shirt, or to try some new make-up, I don't feel that I should have to ask or answer to my husband. It works for my husband too - he has his own little "play" money. Good luck with your decision!

  16. I just got engaged Saturday :) and my fiancé and I have already had this talk. We live together now and split everything. Since he makes significantly more money, I pay a little less than half, but it works for us.

    When we marry he wants us to combine everything in a joint account. I have student loan debt and he does not, so I am feeling a lot of guilt about it. I don't think it's his responsibility to assume my A) debt and B) shopping habits, even though he wants to.

    Good luck figuring out what works for you, this is the scariest part of marriage to me!

  17. I grew up in a home where my parents each had their own accounts and then had a joint account where they each put money in for property taxes. Since this was how I was raised, I had always assumed that when I got married, we would have our own accounts.

    My husband and I both came into this marriage with 2 children and, at that time, he paid child support (his kids now live with us so he doesn't have to pay it anymore) and I receive child support for mine. His bills came out of his checks and I paid mine out of my account. After 3 months of marriage my husband (who's in the Army) deployed, so I became responsible for paying his bills. I got added to his account and added him to mine.

    During his deployment is when his kids came to live with us (just me at the time) and so I had to start using his account to pay for things, as I now had 4 mouths to feed. Let me tell you how hard it was for me to use "his" money. It took me a long time to get over feeling guilty about it, even though it was being used for necessities for the kids.

    Eventually, I left my full time position to become a stay at home mom, which I still am. All of the money goes into one account and all the bills come out of. I have meet with a financial advisor and am working on trying to figure what budget works best for our family. We don't talk about money like we should, but its something that we are working on.

    I don't think that there is a right or wrong way to divide up your money. You can plan on doing it one way and then life gets in the way and things have to change.

    As long as it works for you, that's all that matters! Good luck!

  18. My husband and I have had a joint account since we got engaged and there was never a doubt in our minds that we wanted to share everything. I am pro joint everything because my husband is my family, my best friend and my life. He makes considerably more than I do but he never lets me forget how hard I work and how my salary is so beneficial for us. It works because we both agree about our spending and saving habits. I can see not wanting to share money if your spouse spends out of control but I love sharing with my hubby!

  19. I definitely disagree with your friend...having our separate checking accounts have eliminated a lot of arguments. Husband pays for the large bills (mortgage, his law school loans) and I pay for the smaller bills and grocery. I don't think it's about "trusting or not trusting" your partner...it's about what works. We do have a shared savings account that we started once we were married and we both contribute. Have separate "play" / shopping money is the best plan for us....we never discuss or argue over financial stuffs.

  20. Girlfriend, I have two words that worked wonders for me and my husband...DAVE RAMSEY!!!

    Take some time and check out his website (www.daveramsey.com) and look at Financial Peace University. It's a great class with AWESOME fundamentals.

    A study from Citibank found that 57% of divorced couples said money fights were the primary reason they didn’t get along.

    Money seems trivial and managable NOW, but things come into perspective after marriage, and my suggestion would be to get things in order NOW.

    When you get married, the preacher won't say, "I now pronounce you a JOINT VENTURE"....he'll pronounce you MAN AND WIFE....ONE! :)

  21. I have a friend who has been married for awhile and they keep everything separate and split down the middle. It works for them.

    But, I just don't think it's for me (I'm not married yet)) the bf and I have lived together for awhile now and while we still have separate accounts we do not split everything in half, he makes about twice as much as I do (I've gone back to school) we pay for things proportionality (like rent, utilities, food). That works for us. IF we split everything in half it would have a significant impact on where we lived.

    Even now not married we set financial goals together and even though we aren't trying to meet the same goals and we don't contribute money to each others savings we work together to be able to meet our goals.

    I can see where your friend is coming from with the jealousy towards the spouse that has more money, but I think it's so individual that you should do whatever works for you!

    My questions (to my friend that has separate accounts) are what happens when you have kids? who pays for what? how do you split that? what about retirement? when you retire is the spouse that is the saver going to be able to retire and the spouse that made less or planned less going to have to keep working?

  22. I have been married for 4 years and we have kept our accounts seperate. We even have our own savings accounts. We do have one savings account together where we save for our property taxes and school taxes. It works out nicely. I don't get upset when he spends money and he doesn't know if I do either. Not that we would care, it just takes away a stress from the other person! Good luck choosing!

  23. You have to figure out what works for you. My husband and I were both terrible with money when we got married, so we agreed to join finances and I started paying bills and set a bugdet for each of us. We definitely argue about money from time to time, but this is what works for us. His parents, on the other hand, have been married forever and still have separate bank accounts because that's what works for them. Don't feel bad about whatever you decide.

  24. I'm not married but my parents always told me to have my own bank account separate from a joint one. You know just for me. I think each couple should do what's best for them. If it works better that you don't have a joint account then that's fine. You guys will figure it out. Good luck lady!

    Don't forget to enter my giveaway!

  25. First of all, love the new header!

    I say whatever works best for you two is the right answer on how to utilize your money. My husband and I have been together for 5 years, married the last 3.5 and living together the last 4.5. When we moved in together we got a joint account that we each put money into-we split all mutual living expenses equally. After we got married, it just got to be a pain in the butt to have to transfer all this money all the time, so we eventually got just one joint account.

    Yes, sometimes we argue about money and where it goes-but that's because his spending habits are worse than mine! I pay most of the bills, and that just works for us. He isn't the best with money, so I have been able to help him out in that department. It shouldn't matter how much each of you is making, as long as you both contribute 100% if you're going to have a joint account.

    And the reality is, when you're married, you're going to have to talk about money all of the time anyways. Whether you have joint accounts or not. Whatever works best for you guys, is what you should do :)

  26. I kind of have to agree with your friend on this one -- a married couple should have a joint account.

    I am not going to deny that it was VERY hard for me at first adjusting to sharing the pot. I wanted to spend my money how I wanted, when I wanted, and on what I wanted. That was me being a selfish wife. I now understand that what we strive for as a married couple, we are going to work for together. We are planning to build a new home in the next 5-10 years. I can't even imagine the arguments it would create if my house savings account was less than his. I honestly think we would argue more with separate accounts.

    Almost 5 years into our marriage, we have it all figured out. It's comforting to not compare our incomes, not to have to think that I paid for the groceries this month and he paid the mortgage.

  27. Such an interesting topic because I have heard that money issues are what cause a majority of marriages to split. My husband and I were in the same shoes as you - I obviously don't make as much as he does working in the non profit area. We decided to combine our incomes completely, and it works well for us. But, I must say - I married a guy that doesn't give me an amount on what I can spend. I am actually more conservative at spending than he is - so he trusts that if I want to spend a lot of money on certain things, he's fine with that. We haven't had any issues yet. I do have my own little account that I set up to do what I want with, and he doesn't mind. A portion of what I make during the year goes in there. But for the most part, we have almost everything combined and it works for us. I think everyone is different, so you may just have to find what works well for both of you!

  28. First of all, I don't think there is any way it "should" be done, as I don't think anyone is in any position to dictate how things should or shouldn't be done, just what works for them.

    I got married in a completely different position, and was not working for the months leading up the wedding (due to having just graduated and I wanted to wait to get the wedding taken care of and get back from honeymoon, along with the fact that I went right back into school after graduating), and that is when my husband (fiance at the time) got a joint account and started paying for everything together.

    At first, I felt weird spending "his" money on things like getting my nails done, or new makeup. But then I realized that in my eyes (and the eyes of the law, by the way), once we were married, no matter who brought in the paycheck, that money was OURS. At that point, I felt it was really important to discuss our spending habits, our saving goals, and come to a common agreement on how we should spend our money. Instead of not wanting to be told how to spend money, or questioned, I wanted us to agree on what was appropriate to spend. And we do, for the most part. In the long run, I think this is important because it seems to be that there will only be problems when you have a house to save for and a child to support if one person feels entitled to spend their money however they see fit, when it is, in fact, a partnership that both people should be working at together.

  29. I should add that we do also have seperate checking accounts with every intention of putting our "spending money" in there each month, but we never do. I have nothing to hide as far as how I spend my money, so I just never take the time to transfer over. They do come in handy when we buy gifts for one another, though, so as not to have the purchase history online where we can both see it! :)

  30. My husband and I have been married for a little over two years. When we first got married we opened a joint account thinking we would just use it as a back up, but that we would both keep our separate accounts. The new joint account was linked to his but not mine so we never really messed with it! I do not think we will ever have joint accounts. We split our finances pretty eavenly. He pays our mortgage but I have student loans and a car payment where he doesn't so it evens out. We are both open about our finances each month. If things come up unexpectantly he will help me out and vice versa! I feel like I work hard for my money so if I want to go buy a new shirt or go get a pedicure then I deserve to do it without having to tell my hubby or feel guilty about taking money out! It works for us and we rarely ever have any issues with it! Just because you don't have joint accounts does not mean you don't trust each other or that you aren't "one." Each couple is different and you just have to see what works! :)

  31. I think that each couple is different and you have to decide what is right for you. My husband and I have everything together. During our engagement we went to a Dave Ramsey course and so we were both on the same page about our finances and what debt we each had and everything. It definitely helped, open the door for communication, and now we know our goals. That being said, my Nanna and grandfather (this is the second marriage for both after their previous spouses died) have a joint account for paying bills and whatnot and then separate spending accounts. It works really well for them and they love it! So it's just about what works best for you!

  32. I'm no where near being married, but my boyfriend and I have talked about this topic. We definitely want an account together, and our own accounts too. So for house bills, car bills, dog stuff, and things like that, we would pay from our account. As for our own clothes, or movie with a friend, shopping trips, etc, we would pay from our own accounts. I wouldn't want to go out to dinner with a friend and have to pay for it with our account. I would definitely pay with my own account!

  33. it's whatever works for you too, and what works can definitely change overtime. people are going to judge you for whatever you choose and don't mind them. just do what works. that what everyone else is doing.

  34. I was actually going to post something about this because my fiance and I were recently discussing this. I think that it definitely has to do in part to age/place in your career at the time that you are getting married. My fiance and I have been together for 5 years now, and we are getting married despite the fact that we are still young (I'm 22 in a month). I have a decent savings account set aside, a car, and don't have any student loans and a job in accounting. My fiance has a small amount of student loans, a car, and not as much in savings because he paid for school mostly.

    I would describe our relationship when it comes to money as "financially interdependent" he has his money, and i have mine, right now in separate accounts. We don't make a fuss over bills and sometimes I will pay for something or he will.

    As of right now, I'm not really sure how we are going to split the bills and joint account deal. I think it would be pretty annoying to open a joint account and close some of our own separate ones, because we have online payments hooked up to them. We plan to open up a joint account, and see how that works out. Either way, we have access to each others financial accounts so to me it doesnt make a huge difference.


  35. I also forgot to mention the age/career part. I think that if we were more invested into our individual careers, and not just starting out, we would be a little more definitive about who pays what and would care more about putting our names on things. But because we are still pretty young we are more open to the idea both of our names on things such as bank accounts, etc.


  36. Great topic for discussion! I know successful couples that do it both ways. So more so than being an issue of how do you do it, I think it's really what works for you as a couple. We share money, but also have individual savings accounts.

    Money can be a tricky issue in relationships so I think it's important to set the ground rules and be up front about it.

  37. That diagram is how Josh and I work. We have a joint account for the bills we both have - phones, mortgage, insurance, etc. - and we both contribute equally each month to it. Then, if we want to put money in to our joint savings, I add that in as a "bill" so that we're jointly contributing to it, also. Things like my credit card debt and his car payment we each pay separately. It works for us well, now. He makes more than I do now, but at the same time, he'll be a firefighter making a certain salary until he retires. I'll be taking over the family business and will be the breadwinner. I think when you've been married for 20 years, it's probably a bit different and easier to have everything joint. That way when Josh wants to spend ridiculous amounts of $$ on supplements or floormats for his car, I don't get mad, and I don't feel guilty about shopping. I do know that something will have to change a bit when we are married, because right now, we still pay for things like gifts and groceries accordingly. So, since I do all the Christmas and birthday shopping, guess who ends up with the thousands of dollars to spend at Christmas and guess who only has to buy for me?

    With my exhusband, we had all of our money together, which was fine for me, because I managed the money, but it was hard for him to be controlled all the time, because he literally had to tell me, "I spent $5 at the gas station" or "I need a new pair of shoes this month" and it was just a pain in the ass. Plus, it makes it a bit difficult to buy gifts for each other when you're seeing every transaction that goes through the account.

    In the future, I know that Josh and I will still maintain our own "fun money" because I think it's SUPER important, but I think that having a joint account to pay for things together is, too.

    And as far as assets go? I own my car and my home. Josh owns his car. Neither of us will be running out to put each other on the title/deed any time soon. When it's time for both of us to get a new car and we're married, I'm sure it will be in both of our names, as well as when it comes time to look at buying another house, but I don't think there's any rush to add a spouse to an asset, because they ARE your spouse, so if anything happens to you, they'll be your beneficiary, anyway. Okay, I'm just rambling now... gonna go! :-)

  38. I don't think there is a right answer to this one. If what you are doing is working, I wouldn't break it.

    My husband and I have a joint account. We each have the same amount for an "allowance" each month. I don't question what he buys with his and he doesn't question me. It works well for us!

  39. Even after getting married, LC and I still have our own bank accounts. We're not getting a joint one.

  40. Oy, I could go all day on this topic. I think it's a good idea to have a joint account, even if you don't use it for a majority of your finances. It's nice to have a place where you can deposit checks that are made out to BOTH of you (especially with a wedding! You're bound to get tons of checks made out to Mr AND Mrs Wonderful... how do you decide how to split them up? Or if your bank will even take a check made out to two people into an individual account (since I know a lot of places won't). My thoughts have always told me to have a joint checking for joint bills (house, cable, etc) and each person put a percentage of their paycheck into it in order to cover those bills. Then each person is still responsible for your own fun money or individual credit cards/gas/phones or whatever else. And if you have a solid relationship, chances are the other person won't get upset if you can't contribute as much towards the bills because your paychecks just plain aren't big enough. It's all about compromise :)

  41. So I agree with some other posters on the fact that it totally depends on the couple. My hubby and I have joint accounts. This makes things super easy when it comes to bills (ie, Did that check go through yet? I dunno check the bank account.) It also makes things easier for paying bills in general. I pretty much agree with your friend in that it makes things awkward if you're out and your spouse needs to tell you that you can pay for it on your own.
    As far as "getting into fights about money", I think if the two of you have a budget planned out, between the two of you you should know how much money you have left over. Decide how much each month you want to put in savings and then the rest is for you to use. There are some months where I spend more of the fun money than my husband (bathingsuit season!) and some months where he spends more than me (there's always new gear that's needed for the outdoor adventure guy!) but because we both know how much there is we can be fair about how it's spent. And if it's not equal spending all of the time, then so what? I'm sure there'll be an expensive gift for you down the road or your time to swipe the card in the mall. Being married is about supporting each other and being honest. If you can't be honest with eachother about what's being spend and supporting each other's hobbies/interests/taste in fashion then what else is marriage for?
    And the whole friend thing? I totally think you can have different friends, I just think in reality people just end up having similar friends because let's face it, if they're cool enough to hang out with my husband they're usually cool enough to hang out with me!

  42. Well someday I will hopefully have this dilemma....interesting to read all the comments.
    I think the diagram is the way to go!

  43. My husband and I do both. We have a joint checking account that is both of ours. We both contribute money into it each month, and that's what we use to pay the bills and keep our household running. Then we have our own separate accounts. I think everyone is different and you'll find what works for you!

  44. to each their own.... we have separate accounts, and only one joint checking... he pays a little more in rent, but I make it up by buying groceries. I like keeping our money apart, and for now its working

  45. I agree with those who say 'do what works best for you', but I'm pro-joint account. I believe you get married, you become a family, and what's his is yours and vice versa. I'm surprised by how many have/believe in separate bank accounts. It definitely seems a generational thing.

    I've taken care of myself since I was seventeen, job, bank account, credit card (which I eventually canceled), finances. Hubby lived at home until he finished college, had two jobs, and his own bank account. When we got married we pooled our finances and opened a joint account. We also got our one and only joint credit card (which is still the only card we have and is for emergencies only).

    Hubby makes way more money than I do, but I was the one who learned early on how to scrimp and save to make money stretch (which has served us well). He never questions me about how I spend our money, though we never make large purchases without consulting each other and discussing them first (not only for the financial reasons but for practical reasons - such as, do we really need that item).

    Now, that said, years later I once again have my own bank account. This one set up for my business expenses, but hubby is still listed on it.

    Again, it's about whatever works for each couple. If both parties are comfortable having separate accounts, then so be it. To me, in a way, it seems a way to hang on to that 'single' status in some small way. My BIL and SIL have separate accounts (and by all intents and purposes separate lives). We think it's weird, but it seems to work for them. He bought the house, they split the bills and repairs and upkeep (when SIL sees fit to do that). They seem more like roommates than a married couple, and they still argue about money and everything else. lol

    Joint accounts or not, lack of money will be an issue that crops up in marriage no matter what. It's just a part of life and something you have to be willing to address as a couple.

  46. I loved this post so much I included it in Lots of Link Love for this week!


  47. I am a newlywed, almost been married for a year. My husband and I share an account and it has worked out great for us. Currently I'm a student, and I'm in school to be a teacher. I started working part-time in January, so I could go to school full-time and finish sooner. My husband is more than happy to support us both while I'm in school and I am so appreciative of that.

    We have our own personal reasons to share our account, but I have to say I agree with everything your friend said to you about the subject. One thing to consider-- how will you split up bills? What is considered fair? I personally would feel like a roomate splitting bills with my husband. I have had friends that share an account, but have seperate bank accounts too and that has worked out well for them, especially if one wants to buy something expensive, etc.

    Right now my husband and I pay for all of our mortgage, bills, gas and groceries using our checking account. On Monday's we take out cash at the bank for each of us to use for the entire week.. eating out for lunch, starbucks, date nights, entertainment, etc. and we only use our cash. It teaches us to manage our money better and we'ere not living outside of our means. We can both do whatever we want with our cash so I don't have to "ask his permission" if I want to spend it all on one thing, etc.

    I say do what's best for you as a couple! Also, I highly recommend you do pre-marital counseling before getting married, or shortly after. It really helped my husband and I. Especially with our finances!


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